


Where My Demons Hide

by confessionsofinsanity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionsofinsanity/pseuds/confessionsofinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester can't trust anybody. This is further proven by the fact that his own brother left him at a mental institution when he knows Dean isn't crazy. People are simply ignorant of everything that's out there. Then there's Castiel, a man convinced he's an angel and there to protect Dean. But Dean knows he cannot be protected. And yet...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Demons" by Imagine Dragons

"I don't want to be here."

  
The psychiatrist sighs and steeples her fingers. "I know you don't, and you can be discharged if you cooperate. You've been locked up in your room since your admission two days ago and have been refusing to see anyone."

  
"I can't trust any of you," Dean hisses. "There's no one left I can trust. Sammy betrayed me by leaving me here with _you_."

  
"Ah yes, your brother." Dr. Cartwright straightens in her chair, eyes looking at him from a pale, pale face. She might not look so white if it wasn't the dark curtain of hair that contrasts so sharply with the lack of color, making it look as if her life force is being drained by this place. Dean even thinks he can feel the pull, his energy draining, draining, draining...

  
"Mr. Winchester, please try to pay attention." Dr. Cartwright sighs as Dean returns to glaring at her. "As I was saying, your brother left you with us because he cares about you and wants you to get better. Don't you want to get better?"

  
"I'm _fine_ ," Dean says for what must be the fiftieth time since he's been here. "You can't fix anything because there's nothing to fix."

  
"Dean, you have a clear distrust of everyone and insist there are monsters out to get you."

  
His eyes widen. "Sammy told you about that? He should know better."

  
She leans forward. "And why is that?"

  
"Because once you find out about all of that being true, your life never stays the same. He knows not to tell anyone, it usually pushes them into the hunter life. Nobody wants that life and it makes you an even bigger target."

  
"Dean, listen to me. You don't fight monsters because they don't exist. I understand your mother died in a fire when you were four-"

  
She jumps as Dean's fist slams on her desk. "No."

  
"No?"

  
" _No_ , I'm not talking about that! Stop prying into my life, I don't trust you!"

  
"Please calm down-"

  
"Let me go! You can't keep me here against my will!"

  
"You were signed into our care and we decide when you are fit to leave," says Dr. Cartwright. "Why don't you return to your room? This has clearly been stressful to you and you need to calm down."

  
"Good!"

  
Dean topples over the chair and storms over to the door.

  
"Mr. Winchester, I expect to see you at the group therapy sessions from now on and for you to try to socialize with the other patients."

  
"Don't count on it," Dean snarls before throwing the door open. He then proceeds to nearly trample down a guy standing right outside the doorway.

  
"What the hell? Fucking eavesdropper! Is this whole place bugged?" Dean cries, looking around wildly as if expecting to see someone recording every word he says.

  
Dr. Cartwright ignores him. "Castiel, what are you doing?"  
The eavesdropper- Castiel, what kind of fucking name is that?- does not answer her, but looks at Dean with big blue eyes. His black hair's ruffled and he's wearing a trenchcoat that looks like it's seen better days.

"Hello, Dean Winchester," he says in a deep, gravelly voice.

Dean backs into the doorframe. "Why are you spying on me?"

  
"I'm protecting you," says Castiel, stepping right into Dean's personal space.

  
"Mr. Novak." Dr. Cartwright's suddenly there, putting a hand on Castiel's shoulder to ease him away from Dean. "You're frightening him. Mr. Winchester is very tired and needs to go rest. You can try talking to him later."

  
"I'll watch over you," Castiel insists, eyes still glued to Dean.

  
"Just leave me alone!" Dean snaps, darting away towards his room. "Fucking _freak_!"

  
He hears nurses yelling his name, but he doesn't stop until he's in the somewhat safety of his room. He lays on his bed, putting his hands over his face.

  
"Sammy, why did you do this to me?"


	2. Chapter 2

"You're leaving your room today."

"No."

Nurse Harvelle's a sturdy woman with a steely look in her dark eyes. She usually has a maternal air about her, but now she's rather intimidating. Dean knew he couldn't trust that façade. Everyone's hiding something.

"It wasn't a question, boy. All the other patients go out and you're no more special than them."

"I'm also not crazy like them," Dean shoots back. "Not that you people will listen to me."

"Did you ever think it's because you're not as okay as you've convinced yourself you are?" The nurse's eyes soften a little. "No one should be so paranoid all the time. It must be awful, and we want to help you stop feeling that way."

"Yeah, right." Dean snorts and turns on his side so his back is facing the door.

"We've indulged you enough, don't think we'll continue being this kind if you keep being difficult."

"What're you gonna do?"

"For one, no more food sent to your room. You have to go to the cafeteria like everyone else."

"Then I'll starve. That's one way to escape this hell," Dean mutters.

"Quit being so overdramatic. You can't stay in here forever."

"Watch me."

He thinks he hears her say something about him being childish, but when he looks back, she's gone. He breathes a sigh of relief and focuses back on _Slaughterhouse Five_ , one of the few possessions he has with him. The book's obviously been read several times, but Dean never tires of it. It's kind of dull to only have a small selection of books and a pink iPod to keep him entertained, though. True to Nurse Harvelle's word, no food is delivered to his room and his stomach growls in protest. He still refuses to go out. The rest of the building is filled with shady people who can turn on him at any moment. Hell, some of them could be demons.

Dean finally caves during the night when the halls are deserted. He figures he can probably break into the kitchen in the cafeteria and find something to eat. Better than going when people are awake. With his mind made up, Dean opens the door a crack and peers out. The coast clear, he steps out only to jolt back against the door when the trench coat guy is there. _Again_. .

"Hello, Dean," he says.

" _Why are you stalking me?_ " Dean hisses, still trying to be as quiet as possible. "Are you trying to kill me? Are you a demon? I can kill you, too."

This is a lie- Dean was not allowed to bring any weapons with him. Sam had taken them away. Fucking traitor.

"Of course I'm not one of those vile creatures," says Trench Coat- Castiel, that's it!- in disgust, eyes darkening. He's lowered his voice to match Dean's tone, which Dean is a little grateful for. "I would also never kill you. I told you, I'm here to protect you. I've been keeping post outside your door to make sure no harm comes to you. I was forced to leave a few times, but I always came back."

Castiel appears pleased with himself, but Dean just finds it creepy.

"Protecting me?" he scoffs. "You can't protect me." His voice is even softer when he says, "No one can protect me. I have to take care of myself."

"I assure you I can," Castiel insists. "I'm an angel of the Lord."

"Yeah, right. In a mental hospital?" Angels, even to Dean, is pushing it.

"That's your problem, Dean, you have no faith."

"Damn right I don't. Wouldn't be here if there was anybody looking out for me."

Dean's reminded of why he ventured out in the first place when his stomach growls loudly.

"Have you not eaten?" Castiel's head is tilted. "I understand that humans need to eat to stay healthy."

"I wasn't sent any and it's too dangerous to leave my damn room," Dean snaps, voice rising a bit. He looks around quickly, but no one appears to have been disturbed.

"There are some things to beware," Castiel agrees. Lowering his voice even more, he says, "Ruby and Crowley are demons."

"So there are demons here. Fucking knew it. You just can't get away from them," Dean mutters.

"Ruby's blending in here until Lucifer returns, it seems. Crowley enjoys dealing things and toying with people. He also appears to be trying to rule over everything so he's not eager for Lucifer's return as he would take over. Neither have harmed anyone and definitely won't harm you as long as I'm around."

Dean's surprised by how confidently he says this and finds himself muttering, "Thanks, Cas."

Before Castiel can comment on the nickname, Dean's stomach again makes itself known. Dean flushes.

"Come on, there's a cafeteria here. I'm sure we'll find you something," says Castiel, taking his hand and leading him down the halls. Dean realizes he probably would've spent a while trying to remember the location from the brief tour he was given on admittance.

No breaking into the kitchen is necessary as a tray was left on one of the tables that consists of a PB&J, pudding, and an apple. Nurse Harvelle must've known he would break, but Dean finds himself rather appreciative of it. He wolfs the food down quickly, still wary that someone will come in and find him. Castiel merely sits there and watches, though Dean can't find it in himself to care. Feeling he should be polite, and because he isn't eating an apple when he's a grown ass man who needs more than rabbit food, he offers his apple to the other man, but he simply shakes his head and explains that angels don't have to eat.

Returning to Dean's room was slightly awkward, Castiel continuing to linger outside his door.

"Um, shouldn't you go to your own room?" Dean asks.

"Angels do not require sleep, either," Castiel replies.

"Well, I do so..." Dean gestures to the open doorway.

"I'm aware. I'll continue to keep watch."

"Ok..."

Dean lets out a whoosh of air once he's laying on his bed. He realizes he may be a bit lonely with no one to talk to, but it's better than taking any risks. At least, that's what he convinces himself as he drifts off to sleep. The next morning, he finds himself letting Castiel into the room when he shows up with breakfast.

"The apocalypse is coming, you know," he says once Dean is mostly done.

Dean pales. "What do you mean?"

"What I said. Lucifer's followers are now attempting to break the Seals that will spring him from his Cage. The angels are trying to stop them, but I am unsure how successful we are being. If he does return, he and Michael will need to battle."

"Does... does Sammy know about this? My brother, Sam?"

"I don't believe so. You and your brother will play a part in this, however."

Dean's shaking now. "W- what?"

"Michael and Lucifer need vessels in order to walk on Earth. You and your brother's bloodline make you perfect vessels. You have to say yes to Michael and Sam must to Lucifer."

"So everyone will die? Me and Sam, too?" Dean's clutching his bed sheets.

"Being vessels for such strong beings will probably destroy you both, and the battle will take out most of the Earth."

Dean lays down, breathing hard. Not enough air seems to be getting into his lungs and he feels dizzy.

"This has distressed you more than I thought it would," says Castiel, looking at him worriedly.

"It's _very_ distressing, Cas!" Dean yells. He's sweating now and he wonders if he'll pass out. "Are you only looking after me to make sure nothing happens to your precious vessel? Then you can fuck right off! I can't trust anyone, you all have your motives!"

"Dean." Castiel's standing over him now, pressing two fingers to his forehead. "I apologize. I did not wish to make you so unwell. Please calm down."

"Go _away_!" Dean thrashes away from his touch.

"Dean, let me try and heal you. I can't if you reject my grace."

"I don't care!"

The door opens and Dean distantly hears Nurse Harvelle's voice saying, "What's going on here?" Then, "Castiel, you have to leave, Dean's having an attack."

Dean thinks he hears Castiel protest, but the only thing he's aware of next is a needle in his skin and exhaustion overtaking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made Dean's iPod pink because of 9x14. Shout out to canon


	3. Chapter 3

Dean wakes up with a fuzzy head and dry mouth. He blinks up at the ceiling, wondering when he fell asleep. Memories of Castiel's visit hit him and he balls his hands into fists. He should've known no one would actually care about him. People only pretend to care so they can get what they want from you. Even if you've been protecting them your whole life. Even if you've been more of a parent to them than your drunk of a father ever was. They'll just throw you into some institution insisting it's "for your own good" and leave you in favor of a "new life" with their fianceé...

"Sleeping Beauty's awake," Nurse Harvelle's voice cuts in.

"I didn't _choose_ to be knocked out," he snaps.

"What were we supposed to do, Dean? You were having a panic attack and wouldn't calm down. Can you tell me what triggered it?"

Dean looks away. "It doesn't matter. You'll just say I'm delusional. That's all any of you have been saying."

Nurse Harvelle sighs. "I understand that this must be hard for you, but you can't keep everything locked up. Nobody will be able to help you if you do."

"I don't need anyone's help! Especially not Cas'."

Nurse Harvelle's brows furrow. "Are you talking about Castiel? What did he do? He was in your room when I found you having a fit, and put up a bit of a fight when we made him leave."

Dean turns on his side. "Just keep him away from me."

"What did he say, Dean?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!"

Silence. Then, "It's Sunday."

"So?"

"Day for visitors. I imagine your brother will want to see you."

Dean snorts. "Yeah, right. Probably will be too busy with law school stuff and wedding plans."

"He obviously cares about you if he left you in our care. He wants you to get help."

"I. Don't. Need. Help," says Dean through clenched teeth. "Even if he does come, I don't wanna see him. Not after doing this to me when I've done everything for him."

"Care to elaborate on that?" When Dean doesn't answer, she mutters, "Of course not." Louder, "I hope you change your mind. I'm sure he'll be very disappointed if he doesn't get to see you. You seem to be feeling fine, at least. Any problems?"

"Yeah, my head's fucked up from whatever was in that damn shot."

"Wooziness can be a side effect as well as a dry mouth. You should go to the cafeteria and get some water."

"Or you can get some for me to make up for the fact that you injected me."

"Yes, letting you continue to suffer until you passed out on your own would have been a far better solution." Dean can practically hear the eye roll.

"Why can't I just stay in my room, huh? Isn't it better than streaking down the hall or attacking people?"

"It's still not healthy. People need interaction just as much as anything else."

"I interact with you."

"As much as I cherish our talks, you need more than my check-ups, boy. Just try to talk with the other patients."

"I did try that and that lead me to this."

Nurse Harvelle hesitates. "Castiel is... difficult to get along with. He doesn't really have any friends here. But he at least leaves his room. And there are others here that are easier to communicate with."

"Good for them."

He relaxes once he hears the door click shut after some more cross remarks under the nurse's breath. This lasts about ten minutes before the door's opening again and Castiel is there.

"Is there anyone looking out for me?" he groans.

Castiel again does the head tilt. "I told you that I'm watching over you."

"You're doing it for _selfish_ reasons, Cas. Not for me."

He frowns, but holds out the water bottle in his hand that Dean hadn't noticed. "I heard Nurse Harvelle say you need water."

Dean still doesn't trust him, but damn it if he's not thirsty as hell. He snatches the water and chugs half of it down.

Castiel stares at him. "You should've let me heal you."

"Quite frankly, Cas, I don't want anything to do with you."

He looks stressed. "But I'm your guardian."

"You're just as bad as any human. Claiming you're doing good for someone because you care, but really you just want something from them," Dean tells him, waving his water bottle around in gestures.

"I do care. You're the Righteous Man, Dean, Michael's vessel-"

"You think you care, yet you'll offer me up as a vessel to be destroyed." Dean becomes naseous at the thought, and takes a deep breath to regain control. "Did you ever think that I have hopes for myself? That maybe I don't want be used as some sort of mouth piece?"

"What are your hopes then, Dean?"

Dean scoffs.

"Like hell I'm telling you. But they don't involve being offered up as tribute. I have feelings, you know."

He internally winces at such a girly phrase, but doesn't say anything else. He watches Castiel's troubled expression for a few moments- the guy's clearly having some sort of inward debate- before saying, "I think you should go."

He's rather surprised when Castiel slowly nods, thinking he would make an argument, and begins to walk back toward the door. He pauses.

"There are some good people here... More agreeable. You should have someone you can rely on, even if it isn't me. Charlie's a lovely woman."

He sounds so upset that Dean almost feels bad, but he can't allow himself to be guilt-tripped. Castiel _should_ feel bad for trying to use him like that. So instead he says, "No promises."

There's no relief when the door closes this time, the guilt refusing to go away. Since no alcohol is allowed, Dean does the next best thing: turning his iPod up until it drowns out his thoughts. He's not sure how long he stays like this before Nurse Harvelle comes back to inform him that his brother has shown up to visit him. Dean finds himself happy with this news- at least Sam hasn't forgotten about him. Dean _has_ missed him, as much as he hates to admit it. He knows that no matter how angry he is, he'll never be able to turn Sam away. He's always come first in Dean's life and that will never change. That doesn't mean he's not resentful at Nurse Harvelle's smirk when he agrees to see him.

Sam's sitting by himself in the visiting room and looks relieved when he catches sight of Dean. He stands up as his older brother approaches, easily towering over the other visitors and patients.

"It's great to see you, Dean," he says as soon as Dean's "Hey, Sammy" leaves his mouth. "I wasn't sure you'd want to see me after..."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed but..." Dean shrugs. He's never been good at expressing himself, nor does he enjoy it.

"I just want you to get better, Dean. You have to know that something's not right. Or maybe you don't. I never realized how attached we were to each other til Jess pointed it out..." Sam sees Dean's expression harden at the mention of Jess' name and says, "She's right, Dean. You may not like it, but she is. Ever since Mom died, you've been taking care of me and we've grown too dependent on each other. You had to move to California with me because you couldn't bear me going to Stanford without you."

"I didn't know wanting to be around my little brother is such a horrible thing," says Dean stiffly.

"You're convinced that something's out to get us," Sam continues. "I know you don't want anything to hurt me, I know that Dad was always telling you to protect me. But I'm grown up now. I'm getting married. I can handle myself. No monster started that fire and no monster is going to randomly come after me."

"You're a hunter, Sam, how can you say all that?"

"Bobby teaching us how to use guns in an attempt to get us to go hunting with him hardly makes me a hunter," Sam snorts. He gets a concerned look on his face when Dean remians serious. "You really believe all that, don't you? I was hoping..." He sighs. "How is everything here?"

"Lousy," Dean answers, going along with the topic change. "What did you expect? You put me in a mental hospital, not a five star resort."

Sam looks at him sternly. "They say you haven't been leaving your room and won't cooperate."

"Why should I? I'm not crazy and I don't wanna talk to anyone. I'm not even sure I want to talk to you anymore when all you're doing is lying. I know you want to put the hunting life behind you, Sam, but you can't. It's gonna come back one way or another. Putting me in here won't make me stop going after those sons of bitches, either. Hell, there's some here. You put me in a confined space with them, Sam!"

"Dean-"

"You're Dean?"

Both Winchesters turn toward a short, blond guy holding a lollipop.

"Who's asking?" Dean demands.

"I'm Castiel's brother, Gabriel. He keeps muttering about how he's failed you. What the hell's that about?"

"Gabriel." Castiel's at his side now, tugging at his sleeve. "Stop it, he wants nothing to do with us."

"I thought you said he wanted nothing to do with _you_ ," Gabriel replies.

Castiel glares at him, then glances at Dean and ducks his head, murmuring an apology before shuffling off.

"I thought you weren't interacting with anyone, not fighting with them," says Sam exasperatedly.

"This is _his_ fault," Dean hisses. "Telling me that millions of lives rest on my shoulders because I'm a vessel that's gonna be used in the apocalypse. You are too, Sam. We're both gonna die and bring lots of people with us."

The ground feels like it's moving under Dean's feet.

"Oh, God," Gabriel mumbles. "Don't worry about it. Cassy tends to go on about Biblical stuff. Told you he's an angel, right? He's in this place for a reason. Not like I enjoy seeing my little brother rot in here."

"Dean." Sam puts a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine, ok? That's not gonna happen. Even Gabriel here says so."

"Thanks, handsome." Gabriel winks. His expression turns serious again as he says, "Listen, my brother doesn't mean any harm. And he seems really broken up about this. Would you mind just letting him off the hook? He doesn't even know what he did wrong, and I think this is the most he's talked about anyone. He could really use a friend."

"So could you, Dean."

"Shut up, Sammy!" Dean runs his hand over his face and sighs. "Fine, if he's really that upset over it."

"Appreciate it," says Gabriel, twirling his lollipop in his hand. "He's got a few screws loose, but he's still a good guy. I'm sure you understand that."

"I'm not insane," says Dean, but at this point it comes out as merely tired.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for this and nice to meet ya." He waves slightly then goes back to Castiel, telling him something that makes him look surprised and pleased. Probably that his charge, or whatever, stopped being mad at him.

"Are- are you sure he said all that?" Sam asks hesitantly.

"You think I'm making up conversations now?" says Dean angrily. What the fuck is Sam's problem?

"I don't know what to think anymore, Dean. Please try and listen to the people here. For me and for yourself. I still want you to come to the wedding, and I want you to stop with this grudge you have against Jess."

"After what she's done to you?"

"Made me happy and realize what I need to fix? I don't see anything evil about that. Just please allow yourself to get help."

Dean turns his head away, done with this conversation. He idly notices that Cas and Gabriel are gone. He sees Sam run his hand through his hair out of the corner of his eye.

"This visit didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to. We both need some more time to cool off, I guess. I do miss you, but you need this. Both of us do."

Dean finally looks back at him and hesitates before mumbling, "I miss you, too."

Sam smiles slightly. "I'll visit you next Sunday, ok? Hopefully that'll go better."

"Yeah. See you then, Sammy."

Dean does feel a bit of a sting when he's lead back to the patients' wing, knowing Sam's leaving him behind yet again. It's no surprise when he finds Cas waiting outside his door.

"Is it true? Gabriel said you've decided to no longer be angry with me," he says immediately, following Dean inside the room.

Dean sighs. "Yeah, Cas, you're off the hook."

"I don't believe I was ever on one."

"No, Cas, it's-" There's a slight tug at Cas' lips. "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

"Perhaps a little," he admits. "I know it is something that friends do, and I would like to be considered your friend."

Dean raises his eyebrows, but Cas won't meet his eyes.

"For what it's worth," he continues, glancing back at him, "I have thought about what you said before. I suppose I didn't think about the possibility of not wanting to obey orders. That's what angels do.

" "Everyone can exercise free will, Cas. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I can't disobey. I'd be punished and it could even cause me to fall."

"Fall?"

"From Heaven. I would essentially become human."

Dean pauses. "Are you saying you are gonna hand me over? Still?"

Cas' look becomes conflicting. "I'm... not sure. I did not realize how unpleasant it must be until you showed such displeasure over the idea. I do not want anything to happen to you that you don't approve of."

"That's... slightly reassuring."

There's a stretch of silence that Cas breaks.

"Forgive me, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your brother."

Dean tenses.

"He does not believe you are hunters," says Cas softly. "My brother, Gabriel, likewise, does not believe we are angels. He's become too accustomed to life on Earth. He wants me to do the same. Many here seem to as well."

He stares at the ground with his usual stoic expression, but Dean can see a somber tinge to it.

"Cas... For what it's worth, I believe you. I think you're an angel."

Dean thinks this is the first time he's ever seen Cas smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler chapter, sorry.

It's like being the new kid in high school all over again, everyone staring at Dean just for being in the cafeteria. He's uneasy about it, but Cas is sitting with him so that makes it bearable. It's still odd, watching the guy just sit there while Dean, and everyone else, eats. But he seems content so Dean doesn't say anthing. Cas tenses, however, when a dark-haired woman comes over to the table, her and her lighter-haired friend pulling out the extra chairs.

"Ruby," he says, narrowing his eyes.

Dean's hand tightens around his spoon. This is one of the demons Cas had mentioned.

"Nice to see you, too, Castiel." She smirks. Her eyes flicker to Dean. "I'm more interested in your friend, though."

"Yeah? Well, the feeling's not mutual," Dean snaps, glaring.

"Not very good when it comes to manners, are you?" says the friend in a British accent.

"I'm guessing Castiel here told you I'm a demon, huh?" says Ruby. When Dean says nothing, she continues, "He's one of the crazier ones here, shouldn't trust him. I'm actually the daughter of one of the richest business men in the country."

"Actually, she's a compulsive liar," her friend corrects.

"Might wanna watch your stuff; Bela's a kleptomaniac," Ruby shoots back.

"I don't give a fuck. I just want you two to leave," Dean growls.

"No wonder you've been staying in your room. You may have worse social skills than Castiel," Ruby laughs.

"Don't bother trying to harm him," Cas speaks up. "I won't let you."

"Right, because I'm the big bad demon." Ruby rolls her eyes. "If you're so powerful, why don't you just smite me?"

"Don't tempt me."

"Would you two quit harassing them?"

Dean looks up to see a redheaded young woman looking annoyed.

"Don't worry, Charlie, we were just leaving," says Bela, getting up. Ruby follows suit. "They're not much fun anyway."

Cas relaxes once they are gone, looking over at Charlie with a small smile as she sits down.

"Hey, Castiel. I'm taking it that this is that Dean guy you keep mentioning. Nice to see that you've decided to join the rest of us." She grins.

Dean grunts. "Beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea."

"I assure you Charlie is a good woman," says Cas. "Pay no mind to the few... less desirables."

"Yeah, the only ones you gotta watch out for are Bela, Ruby, and Crowley," says Charlie.

"It's rude to talk about others behind their backs," drawls yet another British voice, this one much deeper.

They look over to see a short, poncey man with dark hair and stubble. He appears to be one of those people who constantly has a calculating look in their eyes and an ever present smirk.

"Why don't you all just leave us alone?" Dean groans.

"That's no way to make a first impression," says the man who must be Crowley, taking a seat beside Dean. Dean edges away.

"Stay away from him," Cas growls.

"A bit possessive, aren't we?" says Crowley with a raised eyebrow. "Did you finally get that stick out of your ass and get yourself a boy toy?"

"I'm not gay!" cries Dean, voice going up an octave.

"Technically, I'm a genderless wave of celestial intent, but no, we are not romantically involved," says Cas calmly, still frowning at Crowley.

Crowley puts his hands up in defense. "Calm down. Got something against gays? You won't get along with Charlie, then."

"No, it's not that!" says Dean quickly, glancing over at Charlie, who has an eyebrow raised. "I'm just... not."

"My bet's on 'in the closet' or daddy issues," Crowley responds. Before Dean can protest, he continues, "Anyway, I'd get on my good side if I were you. I kinda run things around here."

"In a mental hospital. You must be so proud," Dean snorts.

Crowley glares at him. "I'm the one who can get stuff from the outside world in here. I can even get my hands on your file."

"Bullshit."

"Not so much." It's Charlie who pipes up. "He does have a reputation for that."

"At a price, of course," Crowley adds.

Dean moves even further away from him. "No way, I'm not stupid enough to make a deal with a demon."

"No wonder you're hanging around dear Castiel. You're just as batty as him."

Dean clenches his jaw. "Get the fuck away from us. And if I find out you've been going through my personal shit, I'll kill you myself."

"Don't wanna say those death threats too close to the doctors. Castiel here can tell you what happens." Crowley winks and pushes back his chair. "Lucky for you, I have a previous engagement. Ta-ta."

"What a dick," says Dean as he walks away.

"Bound to be some wherever you go." Charlie shrugs. "Speaking of which, I really hope you're not a homophobic asshole. That would put a strain on our friendship."

"I swear, I'm not! I just don't want people getting the wrong idea about me." Dean runs his hand through his hair.

"Dean's the Righteous Man. He wouldn't be so petty," says Cas.

"Aren't _you_ supposed to be against that stuff with the Bible and all?" asks Dean.

"You humans get more wrong in your Bible than right," Cas explains. "I'm utterly indifferent to sexual orientation."

"Anywho, you don't happen to be into Dungeons and Dragons, do you?" asks Charlie. "I've managed to teach Cas how to play, but our third person, Gilda, got discharged not that long ago, and it's not as fun with only two people."

Dean only made a few friends during his childhood due to constantly moving around under the pretense that it was because of his dad's "job", which was code for hunting. He had once indulged his geeky side, though, and played D&D before. That and his love for things such as _Star Wars_ and _Lord of the Rings_ was as far as he ever allowed himself to go, drawing the line at the geekiest stuff like LARPing.

"I know a bit," he mumbles.

Charlie's face lights up. "Great! The activities' room'll be open in a few, we can go then."

Dean soon finds himself sitting at another table with the game before him, Charlie brushing him up on what he doesn't remember and watching Cas play with the upmost of concentration. It's kind of adorable.

_Whoa, back up there, Winchester. You did_ not _just call another man 'adorable'_.

Shaking his head, he immerses himself in the game. Unfortunately, group session is today, something Dean is in no way looking forward to.

"Would you like us to do something else?" Cas asks when Dean is reluctant to go.

"I _would_ hole up in my room, but I'm pretty sure Nurse Harvelle's there making sure I don't." He sighs.

The first twenty minutes are spent with Bela arguing with another patient about whether or not she stole her bracelet (she did). Once Dr. Cartwright gets the situation under control, she turns her attention to Dean. Joy.

"Dean, this is the first time you've attended the group. Is there anything you'd like to share?"

"Nope."

"Surely there's something you want to say," she presses. "This transition hasn't been easy for you, and this is a group for support."

"I'm good."

He hears snickering and is not surprised to hear it coming from Ruby. She and Crowley are both smirking and eyeing him and Cas, who's, of course, sitting beside him. It's then that Dean realizes how close his and Cas' chairs are and he immediately moves a couple inches away. Cas frowns at him in confusion, but it's better than people making assumptions about them.

"What about you, Castiel? Will you share this time?" As Cas opens his mouth, Dr. Cartwright quickly adds, "And not about Ruby and Crowley being demons."

He pauses, then says, "I'll address the room at large, then. Anyone who decides to have a quarrel with Dean Winchester will have to go through me."

"For Christ's sake," Dean grumbles, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, Castiel," Dr. Cartwright assures him. "I am glad to see you've made a friend. Both of you."

"Can we please just move on?" says Dean, voice muffled by his hands. He can hear Ruby, Crowley, and Bela laughing.

Thankfully, she listens and goes to a different topic. Charlie pats his shoulder sympathetically.

"Did I do something wrong?" Cas asks as they're walking to Dean's room.

"You kinda made me a target for ridicule. Now people think I need you to fight all my battles for me."

Cas averts his eyes. "I apologize. That was not my intention."

He looks like a kicked puppy. Dean sighs.

"I know you meant well, Cas, and I appreciate that at least. I don't have many people on my side." He suddenly stops. "You're still handing me over to your angel buddies, aren't you?"

Cas shifts uncomfortably. "May we speak of this in a more private manner?"

Dean's eyes widen in surprise. "Um... sure, I guess."

They pass Nurse Harvelle, who tells Dean he "did good" finally leaving his room. On their return to it, he flops down on his bed.

"What's on your mind, Cas?"

Cas clears his throat. "I... don't think I can 'hand you over' to Michael."

Dean sits up at this. "Really? You won't?"

Cas lets out a breath and sits in the extra chair. "I don't want to. I think of you being gone forever and it causes an... unpleasant feeling. I believe I've grown rather fond of you."

"Aw, I'm touched," says Dean, exaggeratedly putting a hand over his heart.

Cas' mouth stretches into a tiny smile.

"Hey, Cas," says Dean, a thought from this morning still bugging him. "What did Crowley mean when he said you would know what happened when you make death threats?"

Cas stares at the floor. "It is not of import."

"I still wanna know."

Cas sighs. "I was merely put into brief isolation for threatening Ruby when she first arrived."

"That's it?"

He fiddles with his hands. "There were some needles and re-training but it was fine. Not of import as I said before."

Dean looks at him carefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Dean."

There's a stretch of silence.

Dean coughs. "It's, uh, getting late."

"It is," Cas agrees.

"I kinda need to hit the hay, if you don't mind..."

"Of course." He shows no sign of movement.

"Cas, I won't be able to sleep if you're just sitting there staring at me," says Dean irritably.

"Oh. My apologies." He stands. "I'll return to my... more appropriate post."

"Don't take it personally, it's just-"

"I understand," Cas interrupts. "There is no need to feel guilt."

Dean feels more awkward than anything, but doesn't voice this as Cas leaves. Next thing he knows, he's being shaken awake.

"Wha- what is it?" Dean pants. He notices he's sweating.

"You were yelling in your sleep," Cas informs him.

Dean's nightmare comes back to him then; of yellow eyes, cackling, and Sammy being killed before his eyes. He puts a hand up to his face and feels a wetness there that is not from sweat.

"Would you like to tell me about it?"

"No! I mean, no, I'm fine."

"Was that you yelling, boy?"

Both men turn to see Nurse Harvelle in the doorway.

"Castiel, were you standing out here again?"

"I was simply keeping my post," Cas replies. "Good thing too as it appears Dean needs my assistance."

"What he needs is some sleeping medication. There have been complaints about being woken up by screaming, but no one else has been around to verify."

Cas' brow furrows. "That can't be correct. I would have heard and aided him."

"Maybe you fell asleep," she suggested.

"I do not require sleep as you know."

"Then I don't know, Castiel. Would you please go to your own room?"

"I will continue to watch over Dean."

"It's okay," says Dean. Nurse Harvelle looks surprised and he blushes. "He, um, might help with the nightmares. He is an angel, after all."

She opens her mouth, then seems to think better of whatever she was going to say. "If you say so. I'm still going to put you on some sleep medication."

Cas looks pleased as she gets the medication. "You will accept my help?"

Dean rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Cas."

The memory of his father's voice saying " _Fucking fags_ " comes to mind, but Dean shoves it away. It's just a friend helping a friend. It isn't that Dean himself is homophobic, honest. But he is _not_ gay. He can't be.

"You look troubled."

"I'm okay, Cas."

Soon enough, Nurse Harvelle's given him the medicine and Dean's eyelids are falling shut as he looks over at where Cas is sitting. "Night, Cas," he mumbles. He thinks he hears a "Goodnight, Dean" before he's down for the count.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how happy I am with this, but here you go. I may be able to put another chapter up tomorrow

"Dean, your plight as the new guy is over. Luc over there was just admitted today."

Charlie nods toward a blond man in his thirties sitting by himself in the cafeteria. He has burn marks on his face.

Cas suddenly grabs Dean's arm, face pale.

"It's _him,_ " he whispers, tightening his grip. "Lucifer. He's found another vessel to look for your brother. He's burning through that one."

Dean's heart stops. "N-no. It can't be."

"Cas, it's just burn marks," says Charlie soothingly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure he's not possessed."

"I'd recognize him anywhere. It's _him_."

Charlie thinks for a moment before carefully saying, "Maybe he _used_ to possess him, but left once he started burning through."

Dean focuses on remembering how to breath while Cas replies, "It's too difficult for him to get a vessel, and he doesn't care enough about humanity to show that poor man any mercy."

"Why is he at a mental hospital then? The guy's probably worn out from being a- er- vessel and came here to recuperate," says Charlie reasonably.

"He most likely heard that a Winchester was here, but was not aware of which one. He must be looking for Sam," Cas insists.

"Over my dead body," says Dean, clenching his fists. He doesn't care who this asshole is, he is not going after Sammy.

"I take it Sam's the brother he was talking about?" Charlie says to Dean. When he nods she says, "And what would, um, Lucifer want with him?"

"Sam is his true vessel," Cas interjects. "Only when he possesses him will Lucifer be able to fight Michael."

"You mean the apocalypse? Oh right, you've been saying that's coming."

"Now it's closer than ever," says Cas gravely, looking back over at where Luc- _Lucifer_ \- sits. He doesn't look particularly evil, just bored.

"I believe he's trapped here for now," Cas tells Dean quietly. "Under no circumstances should you disclose Sam's location."

"No shit, Sherlock." Dean rolls his eyes.

Cas squints at him. "I don't understand that reference."

"You've never seen- _you've_ never shown him Sherlock?" Dean turns to Charlie.

"Hey, he's gotten better! It's not like I can always get dibs on the one TV in this place. Believe me, he'd have seen a lot more classics by now if I did."

"I enjoyed _The Princess Bride_ ," Cas offers. "But you must focus, Dean. Try to stay away from him at all costs."

"Obviously, Cas. It's not like I was planning on walking up and giving him a friendship bracelet. I won't even give him my real name."

"It is of no use; he will recognize you as Michael's vessel. You will have to make sure he doesn't get the best of you. He will try to find out about Sam's whereabouts."

"Then he came to the wrong guy," Dean declares.

*************************

A guy who plays guitar apparently comes to the institution once a week to encourage the patients to "express themselves through music". Dean finds that line incredibly corny, but he hasn't laid hands on a guitar for a while now. He'd never had the time to replace one of the chords on his own even before he came here.

"It's actually pretty fun usually," says Charlie as they're walking to the rec room.

"Does he play anything other than nursery rhymes?" Dean sniggers.

"Just because we're mentally ill doesn't make us stupid. I would think you'd know that," she says, a bit irked.

"And just because everyone thinks I'm 'mentally ill' doesn't mean I am," Dean returns.

"What I was going to say before your rude interruption was that we can request songs. I even managed to get him to play the Harry Potter theme song with some water glasses." She smiles brightly.

"It was quite interesting," Cas agrees. "What type of music do you enjoy, Dean?"

"I'm a classic rock guy myself," Dean answers. "Doubt he'll play any Zeppelin for us."

"If I got my request, you can get yours," says Charlie.

They find a dorky-looking guy already playing some tune when they enter. It seems like they're the last ones to arrive. With many people sitting down, Dean easily gets up closer to see how the dude plays.

"Not bad," he murmurs.

Guitar Guy hears and looks over at him. "You play?"

Dean fidgets uncomfortably as the attention shifts to him. Including Luc's.

"A little," he confesses.

"Know any songs? Why don't you play us one?" He holds out the guitar, smiling.

"Ah, no than-"

"Excellent idea!" Dr. Cartwright chirps, materializing nearby.

And here Dean's thinking only Cas does that.

"Everyone grab an instrument and Dean can lead us in a song," she finishes.

"What? No! I can't do that, really," Dean yelps (in a completely manly way, of course).

"Don't worry, I'll help out!" says Guitar Guy, who is way too chipper, in Dean's opinion.

That's how Dean ends up sitting at the front of the room- right where he doesn't want to be- with a guitar in his hands and people staring at him expectantly. He looks over at Cas and Charlie, who are off to the side. Charlie's sitting with a small drum in her lap and Cas is standing next to her holding a tambourine. Charlie bops her head excitedly as Cas gives him a soft look, seemingly trying to transfer courage to him through his gaze.

Dean clears his throat. "Um, I'll do the Led Zepplein song Ramble On, which some of you might know..."

He trails off and Guitar Guy bounces on his heels, instructing everyone on how to play their instruments. The dude's really energetic, like a child trapped in an adult's body.

"We're ready for you," he says eventually, a huge grin on his face.

Dean coughs again. "Ok then..."

He fumbles the first note in his nervousness, eliciting malicious chuckling he automatically knows is coming from Crowley and the gang. Resolve strengthened, he starts playing the chords he'd taught himself so long ago. It had taken a lot of saving, but he'd managed to get his guitar in his early twenties and immediately started working on learning his favorite song.

He quickly becomes absorbed by the song, singing the lyrics louder and louder with each passing second, distantly hearing the others in the background. Despite a few dischordant sounds, they actually don't sound half bad. He's invigorated, any bad feelings left over from this morning washed away. He had no idea he's been missing playing guitar so bad. The end comes way too soon, and Dean's startled by the clapping. Guitar Guy comes up to him, beaming and clapping him on the shoulder.

"You've got talent, amigo!" he says.

"Thanks," Dean mumbles, handing back the guitar with a pang and hurrying over to his friends. _Friends_. Huh.

"That was wonderful, Dean," says Cas, an emotion in his eyes that Dean can't place.

"You freaking rocked!" Charlie exclaims.

Dean rubs the back of his neck, feeling some heat rise up to his cheeks. There are a few more songs before the patients return to their room. Guitar Guy, however, waves Dean over as he's packing up.

"How long have you been playing? You're really good!"

"Not that long," says Dean sheepishly. "I taught myself some years back."

"You were made to play then! You don't happen to have yours with you, do you?"

"No. Had to leave it at home."

"What's your name?"

"Dean."

"Well, Dean, consider this a gift from your pal, Garth." The guy holds the cased instrument out to him. "I've got a couple more at home, this one's not even my favorite!"

Dr. Cartwright swoops in. "That's very generous, Garth. I think you should accept it, Dean. Music clearly has a calming effect on you."

"I can't," Dean protests.

"Believe me, it's fine," says Garth. "Maybe next time we can play something together, but I hate to think that someone with your talent doesn't have access to a guitar 24/7."

Under Dr. Cartwright and Garth's pressure, Dean relents, walking to where Cas is waiting with the guitar case in hand.

"Can I hear more music from you, then?" Cas asks on the trip back to Dean's room.

Dean lets out a huff of laughter. "Once I get used to it again."

His good mood fades when he looks ahead to see someone blocking their way.

"Hey, you're pretty damn good," says Luc, approaching them.

"Back off," says Cas, putting himself in front of Dean.

Luc puts his hands up. "Just giving him a compliment."

"I don't want you anywhere near him, Lucifer."

"Uh, Luc," says Luc, pointing to himself.

"Don't try any mind games with  _me_."

Luc looks around him at Dean. "Is he like this with everyone?"

"What is going on here?"

Dr. Cartwright's voice is quickly accompanied by the woman herself.

"Not only do you let demons in here, but Lucifer himself!" says Cas angrily.

"Oh, dear." Dr. Cartwright sighs. "Castiel, why don't we discuss this in my office?"

"I won't leave Dean alone with him."

Dr. Cartwright puts a hand to her forehead. "Luc, would you mind returning to your room? Dean, please do the same."

Luc grumbles something under his breath but obeys. Dean does as well, Cas in tow.

"Not you, Castiel. We have to have a discussion."

He frowns. "But Dean-"

"-Can go without your company for twenty minutes. Please follow me."

Dean tries not to let his disappointment and anxiety show. "Go ahead, Cas. I'll see you later."

Looking thoroughly unhappy with this course of action, Castiel follows Dr. Cartwright to her office. Dean is almost shocked by how hard it is to watch Cas walk away.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean's not sure when it became normal to wake up and find Cas outside his door, but a sickening feeling goes through him when he isn't. He's not in the cafeteria with Charlie, either, and Dean feels like he's going to throw up.

"I haven't seen him. I thought he was with you," says Charlie when he questons her.

"Oh, no," he whispers, collasping into a chair. "No, no, no."

"Calm down, Dean," says Charlie, rubbing his arm. "Did you check his room?"

Dean's slightly embarrassed to realize he has no idea where Cas' room is. Charlie laughs at this confession, but not in a mean way. She tells him the room number and that she'll meet up with them later.

Being the one standing outside the door for once, Dean knocks, telling himself that he'll talk to Cas and things will go back to normal. Well, as normal as anything ever is around here.

Something's off when Cas answers. He stares at Dean with even less emotion than when he first met him.

 _Say something_.

"Uh," Dean says eloquently. At Cas' lack of reaction, he stammers, "You- you weren't- I haven't, um, seen you today..."

"And?"

Dean's startled by this response. "You're usually- I don't know. I guess I'm just used to you being around."

"I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you."

With this, Cas slams the door in Dean's face. Dean simply stands there, stunned, with the image of Cas' hardened expression etched in his brain. Slowly, he forces himself to move away, to lock himself in his own room.

He's not sure how long he stares at the ceiling before someone's knocking. His heart leaps as he sits up. Could it be Cas?

Charlie's there and Dean's heart sinks. He should have known; Cas doesn't knock. He wonders when he became so attached to a socially awkward angel.

Charlie's grin turns into a frown when she notices he's alone. "Where's Cas? You didn't find him?"

"Oh, I found him, all right," says Dean bitterly, returning to his bed.

"What happened?" she asks, sitting beside him.

"He's decided to abandon me, that's what. Just like every other godforsaken thing I care about."

Charlie looks bewildered. "That doesn't sound like Cas..."

Dean laughs hollowly. "I guess I bring out the worst in people."

"Don't say that," Charlie admonishes. "Something must have happened to him."

She ponders for a few moments, then looks at Dean. "Did anything happen last night after I left?"

"You make it sound like we fucked or something."

"Did you?"

"For fuck's sake, no!" Dean yells as Charlie giggles.

"Hey, you're the one who brought it up." Her expression turns serious again. "So what did happen?"

"We ran into Lucifer on our way back and Cas wasn't too happy about it, so Dr. Cartwright took him away with her," he recalls.

"Uh-oh," she mutters.

"What?" Dread floods through him.

"I heard that Cas got weird that time they took him away after he got upset with Ruby. If he gets too worked up, they have to shoot him up with something and keep him in the 'isolation room'. Same goes for all of us. He should get better, though," she adds hurriedly, seeing Dean's expression. He remains silent. "See, Dean, it's not you."

"Is he really going to be okay?" he asks quietly.

"Yeah, he just takes it a bit harder than the rest is all. Calls it 'reprogramming', I think. He seems to think of it as a punishment."

He says nothing for a while. Then, "Charlie, why are you here? You don't seem-"

"Like a kook?" She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. Her voice is soft as she continues, "I got scared at my first sleepover and called my parents to come pick me up. They got into a car accident. It was my fault. My dad was killed and my mom was in a coma. I kept her on life support for a while, but a few years ago they convinced me to let her go. I was in a bad place after that, super depressed, cutting myself. I was deemed a danger to myself and others so they put me in here." Her lips stretch into a more genuine smile. "For all the help Castiel gave me, he might as well be a guardian angel. He's a great guy. So don't give up on him. He cares about you a lot."

"Does he?" Dean scoffs.

"He does."

A lull. Dean breaks it this time.

"I'm sorry about your parents. My mom died when I was little," he admits quietly. "Burned with our house. My dad was never the same after that. He died a couple years ago himself."

"I'm sorry, too. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm not planning on ditching you any time soon."

"Thanks, Charlie." He clears his throat and stands up. "You hungry? I am. I think the cafeteria's open for lunch, right?"

"Getting too real for you?" She smirks, standing up as well. "All right, lead the way."

There's a tightness in Dean's chest when he sees Cas deliberately choose to sit by himself, away from them. Charlie gives him a sympathetic look. Obviously, the situation has to get even worse when Luc sits at their table.

"Where's your guardian angel now, Dean?" he sneers.

"Fuck off," says Dean, staring determinedly at his food.

"I hear your brother didn't even visit you last Sunday, either." Luc leans back in his chair, making himself comfortable. "Probably got sick of your insane rambling."

Sam had called Saturday to say that he had too much work to do by Monday to stop by. He'd apologized profusely, but it still hurt a little. After that first visit things had gotten much better, mostly because they avoid the subject of why Dean's there in the first place.

"Don't believe everything you hear," Dean replies. "Besides, I'm not letting him anywhere near you."

Luc leans forward. "What if that doesn't stop me?"

Before his mind catches up to what he's doing, Dean's leaping to his feet and holding Luc up by the collar of his shirt.

"You stay away from him!" he shouts in his face.

"Dean!" Nurse Harvelle's rushing toward him.

Out of his peripheral vision, Dean sees Cas is also on his feet, staring at the scene in alarm. He's being ripped away from Luc, held back by not only Nurse Harvelle, but two male nurses. Seeing Luc's smug face makes him struggle all the more.

"Dean, stop this. Please," says Nurse Harvelle, gripping his arm. She has a pleading look in her eye that contrasts from the tough expression she wears.

"Not while that bastard's still breathing!"

Something sharp's in his side and Dean sees a nurse holding a needle. His thrashing slows and his limbs become heavy.

"Sorry, boy. Had to be done," Nurse Harvelle tells him as he fades out of consciousness.

*************************

Dean's mind recovers from its groggy state in what he deduces is the "isolation room". He's alone for about ten minutes before he hears voices outside. A feeling of thrill shoots through him when Cas enters.

_Stop it. He's done with you, remember?_

"Dean," Cas breathes, approaching the bed. "Are you all right? Did they hurt you?"

"What do you care?" Dean spits vehemently. "You're done with me."

Cas sits on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand out hesitantly, then pulling it back. "I don't think I can ever be 'done' with you, Dean Winchester."

"You seemed pretty able to this morning." Dean's too upset to be embarrassed by how this response is followed by him turning his head away and crossing his arms over his chest in an immature manner.

There's a pause before Cas whispers, "They don't want to stop the apocalypse."

Dean whips his head back to him so quickly he worries for a minute that his neck might snap. "What?"

"The angels... They just want it to be done and over with. They're tired of having to take care of this planet while our Father is away."

"God's left the building? Why am I not surprised?"

Cas gives him such a fiery look that Dean is, for once, left speechless. "He'll come back. He has to. When He's ready." He looks down, an indecipherable look on his face. "I've tried to find Him before to no avail, obviously."

"I know a thing or two about deadbeat dads." Dean chuckles mirthlessly.

"They want me to let Lucifer take your brother as a vessel and convince you to say yes to Michael," Cas goes on in a low voice. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before managing, "I can't do it, Dean. I can't."

"I take it they're not gonna like that much," says Dean. "Course, _I_ do."

After some hesitation, he touches Cas' arm so he'll look at him. "Cas, if anything's worth dying for, it's this. We can't let this happen."

"But how?" Cas' voice is barely a whisper.

Dean smiles. "We'll make it up as we go." He pauses. "How'd you get in here anyway?"

"They thought I might be able to assist you," Cas answers. "I try to the best of my ability to."

Dean goes to squeeze his shoulder, then thinks better of it and pats his bicep instead. "You do a damn good job, Cas."


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel, as it turns out, has an ancient book collection to rival Bobby's. He and Dean spend a lot of time reading in Dean's room, looking for anything to help them against Lucifer. The silence is only broken when one of them finds a line that sounds promising.

This place is definitely driving Dean insane, however. All this time cooped up has him staring at Cas' lips whenever he reads something to him or getting lost in his blue, blue eyes. But seriously, they're the shade of blue that freaking poets write about, so can Dean really be blamed? But he's still straight as a line. He's just... having complications.

"Dean?" Cas' voice breaks him out of his trance and he realizes he's been zoning out in favor of staring. _Again_.

"Um..." is Dean's response to Cas' expectant look.

Cas huffs out a breath. "You must concentrate, Dean."

"'M just tired," Dean mumbles, looking at the wall.

"Then rest. I don't want you over exerting yourself," says Cas, eyes softening.

Dean almost yells at him not to look at him like that, like he's something to be treasured, but stops himself. It's not Cas' fault he's so screwed up.

" _Fucking fags_." Dean remembers one of the many times his father was stumbling back to whatever motel they were staying at that hunt. He'd claimed he'd only be gone for a few minutes. Two hours later, he still wasn't back and even for him that was worrying. So Dean, after making sure Sammy was safe, ventured out to make sure he was okay, only to run into him in the parking lot. It only took one glance for Dean to know his suspicions were correct; his dad had been at a bar.

The lovely comment was uttered when John caught sight of two men kissing through a window.

"No son of mine is going to be a fag, you hear me?" he growled, bloodshot eyes turning to Dean.

Stunned, and slightly scared, Dean could only nod as John staggered to the door. Dean recalls being thankful that Sam was asleep, would have one less memory of their father being wasted.

 _Didn't question it when there was magically extra money laying around, though, did you_? Dean thinks bitterly. _As long as you didn't know, it was fine for your son to whore around to help make ends meet_.

"Are you all right, Dean?" Cas asks suddenly. "You look angry. Did I upset you?"

"No, Cas, it's not you," Dean sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Would you like to confide in me?"

Cas looks so innocently eager to make Dean feel better that Dean finds his lips stretching into a smile that probably gives away far too much. He needs to stop thinking like this. Cas is way too good for him. Besides, Dean was only gay for pay. He'll still choose women over men anytime. So there are a few strayed glances here and there and _you need to stop_.

"Are you sure you're not ill?" Poor Cas has no idea what's going on in Dean's fucked up head. And it's going to stay that way.

"Like I said, just tired."

Some time goes by where Dean actually does doze off before Cas speaks again.

"I think I've found something which I can get the proper ingredients for." Cas' eyes are lit up. He looks gorg- _no_.

"What is it? Some kind of spell that'll get Lucifer off our asses?" Dean asks, trying to peer at the book.

"I suppose you could say that. There is a bit of a- ah- _catch_ , unfortunately."

Dean looks at him warily. "And that would be...?"

Cas' posture has sagged and he appears weary. "One of the ingredients is located off the premise, which means we will have to acquire it through-"

"Crowley," Dean finishes with a groan. "You can't seriously be suggesting we make a deal with a demon."

"I much prefer dealing with Crowley than with Lucifer," Cas replies. "I'm not saying it will be pleasant, but I do not see any other option."

Dean knows Cas is right. Doesn't mean he enjoys it when the time comes to interact with the smarmy guy.

"So," he drawls, eyes mocking them. "Decided to come to a _demon_ for help."

"Cut the crap and get down to it," Dean snaps.

"Impatient, are we? What do you have to offer me? I don't run a charity here."

"You want Lucifer gone as much as we do," Cas points out.

This is true; Crowley and Luc haven't gotten along since day one. Luc is possibly more pretentious than Crowley, and has plenty of people wrapped around his finger, mostly from fear. The "official" story is he started a cult and had them do crazy, homicidal shit like start fires. Sometimes it's hard to believe when Dean sees him loudly singing Stairway to Heaven and acting like some immature brat. But he knows better.

"You think that's enough to get what you want from me? I'm not some cheap whore," says Crowley. "You want a deal? I'll make you a deal. But I'm not giving any free glimpses."

"What more could you want than getting rid of Lucifer? Without him you will be back in control of this place," Cas argues.

"As touched as I am by your concern, I'm doing just fine," Crowley spits. His lips suddenly curl up in a devious smile that Dean doesn't like at all. "Say, I know a thing or two about demon deals-"

"You don't say?" says Dean dryly.

"And there is only one way to seal a deal," Crowley continues, waiting for a reaction. He smirks when Cas' eyes widen in horror.

"You must be joking- to think I would do that with a creature like you," says Cas in disgust.

"What?" Dean demands.

"I'll be willing to let you get away with this if you pucker up and properly seal the deal. Come on now, Castiel, don't you want Lucifer gone?" Crowley taunts.

"No. No _fucking_ way," Dean hisses, tugging Cas away from Crowley.

"Straight Manly Winchester have a problem with that? Doesn't have to be you, just Castiel. Oh wait, you do have a problem when it comes to this specific male, don't you?" Crowley sneers.

"Let's go, Cas, we can figure something else out. I won't have you force yourself to touch that creep in any way," says Dean. Then, with a smirk of his own, he adds, "And if we can't, Crowley will just have to get used to being second best around here."

"Dean, this is our best chance-" Cas whispers as they walk away.

"Just trust me."

They make it a couple feet before Crowley shouts, "Fine, fine! Have it your way. No need to get your panties in a twist."

"And that's how it's done," Dean says triumphantly to Cas.

*************************

A couple of days later, Dean and Cas are staring at the bowl of crushed ingredients. There hadn't been as much as a puff of smoke.

"Do you think it worked?" Dean asks.

Cas frowns. "It should have. The book never specified that there would be a big reaction to indicate it was successful."

"At least we know it didn't change your vocabulary," says Dean, rolling his eyes.

"Why would it?"

"Forget it, Cas."

They go down to the "TV room" as it's referred as due to the fact that it holds the only TV in their wing. Dean represses a frustrated shout when Luc's sitting there calmly with Ruby, who has been sticking to him like glue since he showed up.

"I don't understand," Cas mumbles. "The instructions were very clear-"

"Crowley must've screwed us over," says Dean angrily.

Cas shakes his head. "He obtained the proper ingredient, I was able to identify it as authentic."

"Then how?"

"I don't know. I will go and read the text more thoroughly to see what we could have missed."

Charlie's walking past Dean's door when they run into her.

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is this a rare Dean-and-Cas sighting? Happy day!" says Charlie dramatically.

"Hello to you too, Charlie," says Dean, shaking his head, but with a fond smile growing on his face.

"What do you expect? I feel like I haven't seen you guys in ages! Been holed up in Dean's room for days. Wonder what you've been up to." She waggles her eyebrows.

Dean's not blushing. The temperature in the hallway's just gone up a bit.

"We've been researching ways to banish Lucifer back into the Cage," says Cas.

"How's that going?"

"Not as well as we hoped." Cas sighs. "We are going to see if we can find any errors."

"Sounds fun and all, but I'm gonna go fight for the remote. I'll wish you luck if you do the same with me."

"Good luck." Dean chuckles as Charlie walks away while making the "Live long and prosper" sign.

Way too long staring at the same page of a book later, Dean decides it's time for a snack break. There are some protests from Cas, but Dean manages to drag him away. Funny how not that long ago Nurse Harvelle was attempting to do the same with _him_.

Charlie proves to be very good at distracting and by the time they return to Dean's room, Dean's too exhausted to do any more reading.

"Shove that book in my face and I may puke," he states when it looks like Cas is about to do just that.

"Fine, I suppose you have had a full day," Cas concedes.

Dean's still not fully comfortable with having Cas watching him sleep, but at this point he's decided not to care. He needs to quit feeling so weird whenever he feels Cas' eyes on him. No more fluttering in his stomach, no more rapid heartbeats, no more reactions that should not be happening in the presence of only a friend.

Those are the least of his concerns when he wakes up. Being in the cafeteria makes him and Cas realize there is one person missing: Luc.

"So it actually worked?" says Dean, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders.

"Perhaps it has a delayed reaction," Cas muses. He stiffens as a thought hits him. "You should call Sam."

"Why?" Dean feels like a bucket of ice water's been dropped on him.

"In case Lucifer has escaped and gotten to him," Cas answers, looking worried.

Charlie says something, but Dean's too busy bolting from the table to hear her.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," Dean mouths at the phone.

"Dean? Is that you?"

"Sammy, are you okay? Nothing out of the ordinary's happened?"

"Um, no?" says Sam, confused. "Are you okay?"

"I just need to know that no blond, burned guy has shown up at your door and made you say yes."

"Can't say I've seen anyone of that description." Sam clearly thinks Dean's finally completely lost it. "Seriously, is everything all right?"

"As long as you're still Sam it is." Dean slides down to the floor with the phone in his hand, relief making his limbs weak.

"Yeah, Dean, I'm still me. You still you?"

Dean barks out a laugh. "Yup. Haven't left the building yet."

"Good. If everything's okay, I better get going. See you soon?"

"Yeah, see ya, Sammy."

Dean turns back from hanging up the phone to find Cas standing there.

"Sammy's okay," he says, grinning.

"I'm glad."

"What's the 'official' story this time?"

"Dr. Cartwright's claiming he was sent to a different institution due to altercations with patients."

"Whatever. We know the truth."

"Indeed."

Dean has the strong urge to kiss him.

_Get it together, Winchester!_

But Cas is looking at his lips too. Maybe he should just-

Dean coughs. "I gotta finish my breakfast. I can eat now that I know Sam's safe."

Cas looks slightly embarrassed. "Yes, you should."

They return to their table without making eye contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't think of anything from canon that they could attempt to get rid of Lucifer with in this setting, so the best I came up with was the spell thing


	8. Chapter 8

Dean wakes up to find Cas sitting on the side of his bed looking at something. Further inspection reveals that he's looking at the only photos Dean has of his family before his mom died. He must've been rifling through the bag Dean still refuses to unpack.

"Your mother was a beautiful woman," Cas tells him without looking up.

"Thanks," Dean murmurs. He's surprised at himself. Usually, he'd be wringing the neck of whoever dared to touch his stuff, especially when it's anything that has to do with his mom, but with Cas it feels fine. Normal.

"I'm sorry you had to lose her so young."

"Yeah, well, happens. I guess." Dean plays with his hands.

"You're uncomfortable. I apologize," says Cas, putting the photos back.

"It's fine. Just... not a great subject for me," Dean mumbles.

Cas nods. "Understandable."

There's a few minutes in which they just stare at each other before Dean forces himself to look away so he can think coherently. Plus, he's soon reminded that he hasn't eaten since dinner last night.

"Will we ever be granted any peace?" Cas groans once Dean's halfway through his breakfast.

"What's wrong?" asks Charlie.

" _He_ is," says Cas, looking over at some guy, repulsed. "Vampire."

Dean quickly masks the panicked look on his face and stares at his food. Last night was one of the rare times Cas went off somewhere by himself, and Dean had needed some time to himself anyway. That's when he ran into the Southern guy Cas is currently glowering at, who seemed like an all-around good guy. Which is why he's feeling so conflicted right now.

Then Charlie has to make it worse by opening her mouth. "I dunno, he and Dean were getting along fine last night."

Cas' head whips towards Dean. "You associated with that beast?"

"Are you sure he's really that bad?" Dean ventures. "Maybe we were wrong. Maybe not all monsters are as bad as others."

"How can you say such a thing?" says Cas, affronted.

"Hey, brother." The man in question- Benny- claps Dean's shoulder. "How's it going? Mind if I join?"

"Yes, he does," Cas hisses.

"Who are you?" Benny asks amicably.

"Castiel, angel of the Lord and protector of Dean Winchester," Cas replies, glaring daggers.

"Who really needs to calm down," Dean adds, giving him a stern look.

"I can see my presence is not wanted." Cas stands up stiffly and leaves.

"Didn't mean to cause any trouble," says Benny, looking confused. "Did he just refer to himself as an angel?"

"He is, so he knows what you are," Dean explains.

This does not clear the confusion on Benny's face.  "What I am?"

"Don't need to keep up the act, we know you're a vampire. But you seem... better than the rest. You're not drinking any blood or anything, are you? I feel like I would've noticed by now."

Benny raises an eyebrow. "Can't say that I have been."

He's not looking at Dean now, but towards Charlie. He nods slightly, and Dean turns to see what he's responding to, but all Charlie's doing is eating.

"Well, appreciate that you're willing to look past that. Doesn't seem like I'll be too popular with your friend."

"Cas will just have to learn to lighten up. I know where he's coming from, but you'd think someone like him would be able to distinguish good from bad." Dean rolls his eyes.

"Right, well, I have to get some grub so see ya in a bit."

"I'm sure we can get Castiel to change his mind," says Charlie once he's gone.

Dean huffs. "Hope so. He doesn't have to be such a bitch about it."

Charlie chuckles.

"What?"

"I just think this is the first time you've ever said something bad about Cas is all. It's kinda adorable, your first fight."

"Shut up," Dean grumbles as Charlie continues to laugh.

"C'mon, you think I don't see it?"

Dean stops breathing. "See what?"

It's Charlie's turn to roll her eyes. "It's kinda hard not to notice all that sexual tension you two have going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

" _Dean_. Look, I know you refuse to think of yourself as even a little queer, but liking a guy is okay. When two people are into each other as much as you two are, it's stupid to let something as insignificant as sexuality get in the way."

Dean lets out a bitter laugh. "Cas is _not_ into me. He's an angel of the freaking Lord, you think he'd like someone like me?"

"A smart, funny, nice, loyal guy? You're better than you give yourself credit for. You're willing to give Benny a chance even when Cas won't. That's a far cry from who you were when you first came here. And you can't tell me you don't see how much Cas cares about you."

"As a _friend_."

"Keep telling yourself that." A sudden grin spreads across Charlie's face. "This whole argument has been about how Cas isn't into you, but not that _you_ aren't into _Cas_."

Dean feels heat rise to his face and won't look her in the eye. "SomaybeI'vebeenhavingsomefeelings."

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that." It's a shit-eating grin now.

"It's... possible that I've been having some _feelings_ for Cas," Dean grits out.

"Then go for it!" Charlie encourages.

"That's not happening."

"Dean, you need to talk to Cas about this. You'll be cheating both yourself and him if you don't. Believe me, his feelings aren't exactly platonic, either."

"Has he said something to you?" Dean asks, realization dawning on him.

Charlie averts her eyes and is saved from any prodding by Benny returning. Like hell is Dean going to talk about his being gay for an angel in front of a guy he just met.

"I thought you were busy with the vermin of the Earth," says Cas petulantly when Dean visits his room later.

"Jeez, didn't know you could be so sulky."

"I am _not_ sulking. I am simply appalled at your behavior."

"I could say the same to you."

"For wanting to get rid of a monster? Will you also begin a friendship with Crowley?"

"Fuck, no! Cas, if you haven't noticed we haven't heard anything about people being sucked dry. He's been here for a couple days now _and_ _we haven't even noticed_."

"So he's capable of camouflaging himself well. I do not see your point." Cas crosses his arms.

Dean rubs his temple. "It's like trying to talk to a brick wall!"

"I could say the same to you," Cas parrots.

Dean throws his arms out in exasperation, turning towards the door. "Fine, be a dick! See if I care!"

"I merely hope I'll be able to get through to you before he turns you as well," Cas calls after him before he slams the door.

"Trouble in paradise?" Bela snickers as he starts to pass her in the hallway. She grabs his arm before he can go by her completely. "You know, we should really have angry sex."

He stares at her for a moment, startled, before yanking his arm away from her so he can cross it over his chest with the other one, and says, "Don't objectify me."

Bela shrugs. "Just saying."

Dean watches her walk off for a minute before shaking his head.

_Don't go there, Winchester. You got enough on your plate right now_.

"I take it you didn't talk to Cas," says Charlie, not turning away from _Game of Thrones_.

Dean sits down next to her on the couch. "Oh, I talked to him. He's just being a baby."

"He'll come around," Charlie insists.

"I did get a proposition, though-from Bela."

She does turn away from the screen then, looking at him before bursting into laughter. "Oh, _God._ "

"I know." Dean grins.

"Please don't tell me you're actually considering it."

"What? Of course not!"

"Good, because that would _really_ get you out of Cas' good graces." Her gaze returns to the show.

"I don't care," Dean mutters, even though he's aware they both know it's a lie.

"Lover Boy's finally confronting his feelings, then?" says Crowley, leaning on the back of the couch.

"How sweet," Ruby sneers from beside him.

"Feelings about who?" asks Benny, appearing out of freaking nowhere.

"Why is this happening?" Dean groans, burying his head in his hands.

"You don't know about him and Angel Boy yet?" says Ruby.

"Really? Sorry, brother, didn't mean to make you get in a fight with your boyfriend."

" _He's not my boyfriend!_ " Dean yells.

"Yet," Charlie mumbles, much to the others' delight.

"What the hell, Charlie?" cries Dean as he's bombarded with "ooohs" and a "you sly dog" from Crowley.

"All right, y'all, back off, he's embarrassed enough," says Benny.

"Am not," Dean grumbles as Crowley and Ruby laugh and disperse.

"You shouldn't be, it's not that big of a deal. I don't care if you're queer," says Benny with a shrug, sitting next to him.

"I'm not! It's just- it's just Cas. Only Cas," says Dean quietly. Louder, he says, "Can we be done with this chick flick moment now?"

This amuses Charlie and Benny, but they let the subject drop.

Dean's tuning his guitar in the activities' room while Charlie and Benny play cards a couple of hours later when Bela storms in, furious.

"This is all _your_ fault!" Bela shouts, pointing at Dean.

"What are you talking about?" he demands, bemused.

"Your _boyfriend_ -" At this point Dean doesn't bother to protest "- let a bunch of _wild dogs_ in my room!"

"How did he even _manage_ that?" says Charlie, bewildered.

"Does it matter?" Bela shrieks.

"I should- ah- go talk to him," says Dean, darting out of the room with his guitar to avoid Bela's wrath.

Apparently, his feet had been listening to his excuse as he finds himself outside of Cas' room for the second time that day. He sighs and figures he might as well see what Cas is so upset about this time.

"Dude, what the hell did Bela do to you?" is the first thing out of Dean's mouth as soon as he's let in.

"I overheard her proposition to you," Cas confesses as Dean gingerly leans his guitar against the wall.

"So?" Dean asks, sitting on Cas' bed.

Cas joins him, but keeps his eyes fixed on the ground. "The idea of you touching her in that way is very disagreeable to me."

Dean's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline (or pretty close, at least). "Cas, were you _jealous?_ "

Cas straightens up. "I would not feel such a petty emotion."

"So you just put wild dogs in the room of anyone who wants to get laid? Sounds to me like jealousy." Dean feels elated.

"I-I," Cas stutters, and Dean thinks this is the first time Cas has been left speechless.

He looks at Dean helplessly, unsure of what to say or do. Dean soon finds himself lost in his eyes for the umpteenth time. Cas stares right back and, when Dean absentmindedly licks his lips, tracks the movement. This appears to break Dean out of his trance since the next thing he knows his lips are pressed against Cas'.

For a few seconds, Cas is frozen and Dean begins internally freaking out. Then, he's responding fervently and _damn_ , where did he learn to kiss like this? Perhaps Cas isn't as naive as Dean thought, judging by the way he sucks in Dean's tongue when it prods at his lips. He reaches down and grabs Dean's ass as Dean tangles his hand in Cas' hair, eliciting a gasp from Dean that Cas swallows.

"Room che- oh!"

Dean immediately jerks away from Cas, staring in horror at the nurse standing there. He recognizes the dark-haired woman as the nurse who insists that everyone call her Pam. She's very attractive and Dean's pretty sure he would've hit on her if he didn't have the humiliation of meeting her in a mental hospital. Yet here he is with Cas.

_With Cas._

"You two want another hour?" says Pam with a smirk.

Dean's brain seems to be short-circuiting with only one message getting through: _Run_. So that's exactly what he does, pushing past Pam and ignoring Cas calling his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have a bit of a thing for possessive!Cas


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a little late. Easter was this weekend so it kinda screwed up my schedule. Happy (late) Easter to those who celebrate it!

Dean's been sitting in his room in a bad mood since the previous night. Not like he can play anything to calm himself down because he went and left his freaking guitar in Cas' room, and there is no way in hell he's going back there. His failure to show up to breakfast does not go unnoticed by Charlie, who's letting herself into his room by ten o'clock.

"If you're not sleeping or dead, why weren't you in the cafeteria?" She looks concerned, which is understandable since Dean doesn't just eat food, he inhales it whenever it's offered.

Dean shrugs. "Didn't feel like it."

"I guess Cas just 'didn't feel like it' either, then," says Charlie, raising an eyebrow.

"My moods don't directly affect Cas', you know. We're not the same person," Dean snaps.

"You're upset about something, Cas presumably is too if he's avoiding people, you expect me to believe it's not connected?"

"You haven't seen him?"

"Once, when he looked around- most likely for you- but then he walked off looking dejected. What did you do?"

"Why is it always my fault?" Dean whines.

"Coming from Mr. Everything-Wrong-In-The-World-Is-My-Fault."

"Shut up."

"Stop deflecting! Give me the details, c'mon!" Charlie sits in the side of his bed and pokes at his shoulder.

"It's not a big deal."

"Clearly."

"Fine!" says Dean, throwing his arms up. "Only if you quit badgering me, sheesh."

"Out with it, then!" Charlie looks at him expectantly, hands clasped.

Dean opens his mouth, but the words get caught in his throat. What is he supposed to say, anyway? _Well, you see, I decided to make out with Cas_ then _have a gay freakout because I thought that was most convenient._  

He can't even admit what he did out loud, for Christ's sake. Doesn't mean he hasn't been constantly replaying the moment in his head.

"Well?" Charlie prompts.

"IkissedCas," Dean quickly says under his breath.

"Come again?"

"I-kissedCas."

_"What?"_

"I KISSED-"

"No, no, I got you that time," Charlie laughs, putting a hand on his arm. She claps her hands together in delight once the laughter subsides. "But that's great! Why are you two being so moody?" She shoots him a look of dismay. "You freaked out, didn't you?"

"I was doing _fine_ until Pam had to barge in and freak me out!" Dean runs his hands through his hair.

"What's the big deal? Pam's pretty laid back, she doesn't care."

"But it was- _humiliating_!"

"You find being with me humiliating?"

Of course- _of fucking course_ \- Cas is standing at the door, holding Dean's guitar with a hurt expression. Why wouldn't he be?

"Cas, wait, no, I didn't mean-"

Cas is gone in the blink of an eye.

"Shit. Shitshitshitshit-"

"You're damn right. What the hell, Dean?" Charlie looks pissed.

"I didn't mean it like that! I'm no good with words and it came out all wrong!"

"Try to find the right words and tell me what you mean," says Charlie in a controlled voice.

"Just that- I didn't know _how_ to react! I panicked and just had to get out of the situation to think clearly. Not that that worked. I just-" Dean sighs. "I'm just not even good at relationships with girls nevermind guys. Not only was I caught off guard by being caught with a guy, but then I guess I realized I'm getting into a relationship, and I really really don't wanna screw this one up."

"Well you're doing a fantastic job so far," says Charlie, dripping sarcasm.

"I don't know what to do," Dean groans, putting his hands over his face.

"First off, go apologize to Cas! He probably thinks there's something wrong with him, that this is all his fault. You two are remarkably similar in some ways."

"I can't face him! Not after all this!"

"You can and you will. C'mon!"

When Dean shows no signs of movement, she sighs and gets up, walking towards the door. She stops.

"You're being a coward, Dean Winchester. A _coward_."

"I know," Dean whispers, but she's already gone.

A couple hours have gone by when Benny shows up.

"I've been hearin' bout you, brother," he says.

Dean groans in response.

"Nice to see you, too," Benny chuckles.

"The whole hospital talking about it?"

"You locking lips with Castiel?" He laughs as he dodges a pillow Dean throws at him. "Naw, Charlie told me. She's been trying to comfort your Cas for ages now. You put him in a right slump."

"I'm not doing that great, either. Why am I so stupid?"

"Hard to say." Benny grins. "Maybe you're one of those people who decides they need to go through a crisis whenever anything new pops up."

"Like something like this wouldn't freak you out?"

Benny shrugs. "I'd just kinda roll with it. That's my style. You're overthinkin' this, in my opinion. This ain't high school. You like him, he likes you, you shoulda gone with your instincts."

"My instincts were to run!"

"Point taken. But they were also to kiss him in the first place. You gotta calm down, brother. Get your thoughts together and go talk to your angel."

Nurse Harvelle is disappointed when she checks on him.

"Have you eaten today, boy?"

"Not hungry."

"What happened? You were doing so well."

"Please, I've talked about this enough today. I'll get over it eventually."

"All right." She sighs. "In other news, my daughter Jo's going to be coming round for a little bit for research on a paper she's writing. She's doing real well at college- sorry, motherly instinct to brag about your kids. Basically, you be nice to her."

"Oh, I'll be _real_ nice to her." Dean waggles his eyebrows.

"Watch it, boy." It's moments like these that Dean is reminded exactly why he's intimidated by her.

Charlie returns later to inform him that she cannot get Cas to cheer up and glare at him in an obvious attempt to get him to man up and talk to him.

"Charlie... how did you realize who you... liked," asks Dean hesitantly.

Charlie blinks, and her face softens. "I was confused at first. I mean, I was always told 'hey, you should like guys' but I never felt it. It's always kinda hard to accept it, but once you do life's a lot easier."

"I dunno why this is so hard for me," Dean admits. "I mean, I've always liked- and still like!- boobs, you know?"

"Believe me, I know," Charlie grins.

"But now there's Cas. And there might've been some guys before... But I always kept it in check. Never had it amount to anything." Dean's words are muffled by the pillow he's buried his face in- perhaps in a weak attempt at suffocation- but Charlie still hears.

"You ever heard the term 'bisexual'?" she asks.

"What?"

"Bisexual. It's when someone likes both genders. It's not uncommon, you're not patient zero or anything."

Dean's face is out of the pillow now and he's wearing a thoughtful look. "I dunno. All I know is that I miss Cas and feel really bad."

"So will you go talk to him?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll try," he mumbles.

*************************

To Dean's surprise, he finds Cas sitting at one of the tables in the empty activities' room, staring at his hands. He immediately sits across from him and Cas looks up in surprise.

"Cas-"

No sooner is the name is uttered than Dean is interrupted.

"You're Dean, aren't you?" A blonde young woman has approached the table. At his nod, she says," I'm Jo, Ellen Harvelle's daughter. She's your nurse?"

"Yeah, she told me you'd be around." Dean pastes his usual charming smile on. "Hope you enjoy your stay. Anyone bothers you, come find me."

"Ah, yes, because I need a big, strong man to protect me from the horrors of the hospital." She laughs.

"You never know. Best to always have back-up."

"Maybe you need back-up, but I bet I could surprise you."

"Saying you could beat me in a fight?"

"Possibly."

By this time in the exchange, Dean sees it more as banter he would do with Sam more than flirting, and Jo seems to be thinking the same. Which is why it startles him so much when Cas quietly says, "Please do not have intercourse with her."

Dean splutters and moves much to fast to face him, nearly injuring his neck. Jo looks astonished, then starts cracking up.

"Don't worry, I won't let him," she wheezes.

"We have to talk. _Now_ ," Dean hisses, grabbing Cas by the wrist and dragging him to his room.

Cas carefully takes Dean's guitar off his wall and holds it out to him with averted eyes.

"I meant to give this to you earlier, but..." He trails off.

"I know," says Dean softly. He puts it back. "That's not important right now. What's important is I've been an asshole to you, and I'm sorry. I've just- I'm no good at feelings or relationships, and those have only ever been with girls."

"I've never been in a romantic relationship in my life, but I am still willing to try with you," Cas points out.

"I used to turn tricks," Dean blurts out. Cas cocks his head. "Y'know, sell my body for money. We'd run low on cash while Dad was gone and I wasn't gonna let Sammy starve."

"I confess I don't understand how that relates to anything."

"You really wanna be with someone like that? Who let guys pound into him for profit and maybe even liked it a little?" Dean feels the old humiliation return at the memories. He never told anyone about those times, ever.

"Dean, I would never judge you on what you had to do to survive, and I have already told you sexual orientation has no impact on me. I care about you a great deal, and I want to attempt to pursue a relationship with you, if you'll have me."

A slow smile spreads across Dean's face, and he takes Cas' hands and pulls him closer until their foreheads are touching. "Only if you'll have me."

Cas smiles in return and leans in to kiss him. It's much more chaste than their previous one, and more loving. Dean wouldn't move from this spot if you paid him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss me? So sorry this chapter is so late! I was working on my term paper for two weeks and then it was my brother's graduation from college, so life's been hectic. Hope this was worth the wait!

In retrospect, Dean should've talked to him about this. As it is, everyone is alerted to the new status of his and Cas' relationship when Cas wipes some crumbs off of Dean's mouth then follows it with a kiss. How could Dean know Cas would be into PDA?

Cas frowns at Dean's decidedly unmasculine squeak. "What's wrong?"

The catcalls kinda answer for him.

"Glad to see you two have sorted everything out." Jo winks, passing by.

Cas lowers his eyes. "You did not want such attention. My apologies."

Dean hates that look. "Hey." He taps Cas' chin so he looks up. "It's fine. They would've found out sooner or later. I'm not keeping you a secret."

Cas smiles.

"D'awww, you two are so cute!" Charlie squeals.

"Shut up," says Dean, sitting back up.

"How much lovey-dovey crap will we have to deal with from now on? I'm happy for you 'n all, but don't be one of _those_ couples," says Benny. In some kind of miracle, Cas decided to trust Dean's judgement and allows Benny to be around them. Not that he's always that happy about it.

"We're not," Dean starts.

"We're just us," Cas finishes.

"You're even finishing each other's sentences!" Charlie giggles. "How sweet is that?"

"So sweet I'm gonna hurl," says Ruby. She, Crowley, and Bela have crowded around their table, as they seem to have some sort of need to taunt Dean about anything and everything.

"Decided to finally make it official, then?" says Bela.

"Looks like my 'in the closet' prediction was right," Crowley says. "If there was any betting going on around here, I'd be rich by now."

"You done?" asks Dean. "We're trying to eat here."

"No defensive comebacks or getting flustered or angry? My, my, how you've grown," says Crowley.

"I'm not ashamed if that's what you're getting at," Dean snaps. "If you're waiting for some kind of outburst, you're gonna be pretty disappointed."

"You used to be more fun," Ruby complains.

Dean merely gives a shit-eating grin as he takes another bite from his pancake.

"He is not some toy for your entertainment," says Cas, narrowing his eyes. "I suggest you find more productive ways to spend your time."

"Still possessive, I see," Crowley snickers. "Better back off, Ruby. Remember what happened to Bela?"

"Don't think _I_ 've forgotten," Bela growls.

"Don't y'all have anything better to do?" says Benny.

"Sadly, I think they don't," Charlie replies.

" _Please_ , I have better ways to spend my time than with you." Ruby scowls, flouncing off.

"Invite us to the wedding," Crowley drawls, striding away while Bela huffs and presumably goes to her room.

"They are incorrigible," says Cas, shaking his head.

"I'm proud of you, Dean," says Charlie. "Hope that confidence stays with you for this afternoon."

"What's this afternoon?" asks Dean absentmindedly, still eating.

"Visiting hours. Aren't you gonna tell Sam?"

Somehow, the fork slips from Dean's grasp. When did the thing get so damn slippery?

"Dean?" Cas inquires gently.

"What kind of silverware is this?" Dean grumbles. It's actually plastic, but still.

"We can inform him at a later date," Cas suggests. "It's fine."

Dean looks over at Cas' supportive smile. He really doesn't deserve him.

"No, I can tell my own brother about my- about you," he says firmly.

"He probably won't mind," Benny adds. "He's your brother."

"Yeah," Dean mumbles.

He still finds himself anxious when two o'clock rolls around. That's the usual time Sam comes around.

"Are you sure about this, Dean?" asks Cas due to his freaky ability to read Dean's mind.

"Of course I am." He sits on his bed beside Cas, taking one of Cas' hands from his lap and squeezing it. "I meant what I said, Cas. I'm not ashamed of you. I'm not."

"Is this because you still feel guilt on what previously transpired between us?"

"I need a fucking dictionary to talk to you," Dean chuckles, feeling some of his nerves fade at Cas being, well, _Cas_.

"The point still stands, Dean," he insists.

"I'm no good at talking about feelings, but I can do my damn best to show you how much you mean to me." Dean looks away, taking his hand from Cas' to rub it against his neck.

Cas says nothing, but wraps his arms around Dean. He pulls away when Nurse Harvelle opens the door, and Dean immediately misses the contact.

"Castiel, Gabriel's here for you."

"I'll see you out there," Dean calls after Cas, who nods in return.

Five minutes later, Dean's walking toward his moose of a brother, who grins and greets him as usual.

"You okay, Dean? Something seems off with you," says Sam, concerned.

Dean looks toward where Cas is with his own brother. He's looking at him and Dean gives a slight nod. _Tell him_.

"I'm fine. Great, actually," he says, turning back to a confused Sam.

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Dean laughs nervously, again rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. "You remember Cas, don't you?"

"Yeah, he's right over there, isn't he?" Sam gestures to the angel.

"Yup, that's him. He's just, ah, he's-" Dean shakes his head. "He's a great, dorky, little guy."

"That's good. You seem to be doing a lot better, and if he's helping then I'm glad. Bout time you made a good friend," Sam teases.

"He's a real good friend, all right," Dean sniggers slightly. "We're, um, kinda- no, we _are_ a... thing."

Sam raises his eyebrows. "By 'thing' you mean a couple, right?"

"Yeah." Dean shifts, anxiously searching Sam's face.

"Oh. Kind of surprising, but, y'know, good for you." He claps him on the shoulder. "Hell of a way to meet someone."

"That's it?" says Dean, flabbergasted.

"Um, yes? Thanks for telling me?" Sam tries.

" _Thanks for telling me?_ " Dean mimics, almost angrily. "Aren't you a little shocked?"

"Of course I am, Dean. I had no idea you were interested in guys, but if you really like him then I'm happy for you. This doesn't change anything."

Dean feels the ball of stress in his chest unwind.

"Look, I know Dad might've... but he could be an asshole. You know that. Don't let that bother you, okay? It doesn't bother me and Cas seems like a nice guy. You have my blessing." He laughs.

"Who says I was asking for it?" But Dean smiles.

He looks back over at Cas, grinning, and Cas goes to him. Gabriel follows, throwing a piece of candy in his mouth, as usual.

"Knew Cassy had the hots for you. All I ask is that you use protection," is Gabriel's reaction, shoving a roll of condoms and a bottle of lube into Dean's hands- _who freaking just has this stuff in their pocket?_ -, apparently intent on making this as awkward as possible. Dean's face burns.

"Gabriel, I specifically told you-" Cas groans.

"You should be thanking me. How else are you gonna get any in this place?"

Sam clears his throat uncomfortably. "As cool as I am with this, I could do without the mental image."

Dean sees people looking at them in either disgust, embarrassment, or amusement. He shoves the items in his pocket, getting them out of sight.

"We're so very grateful," he growls.

"Don't mention it," says Gabriel breezily, patting Dean's cheek.

"I believe this is a good time for your departure," Cas hisses, pulling his brother away.

"So, um, big week for you then," says Sam, the awkwardness still lingering.

Dean lets out a huff of laughter. " _Stressful_ week."

He glances over at where Cas is scolding Gabriel, who's laughing in response. Just seeing him makes him happy. And he'd thought he would never turn into a sappy romantic.

A thought strikes him.

"Sammy? If you wanted to bring Jess on one of your visits, that would be fine," he mumbles. If she makes Sam as happy as Cas makes him, then he will let go of his grudge. For Sammy's sake.

Sam beams at him. "She'll be so glad to hear that, Dean. She really does want to get to know you better. You're gonna be her brother-in-law, after all."

"Yeah, yeah. I give you my blessing," says Dean, echoing Sam from earlier.

Sam laughs. "You better."

Maybe things actually _are_ getting better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I didn't post over the weekend, here's a middle-of-the-week chapter! Also, keep in mind that this is my first attempt at writing any kind of smut

Dean can never just be left alone. He's curled up on the TV room couch with Cas lying in his arms and Charlie beside them as she and Dean are trying to show Cas _Star Wars_. They're perfectly content, and who should ruin that but-

"So who's the girl in this relationship?" Bela asks.

"That is an impratical question as both Dean and my vessel are male," Cas responds, not deigning to look away from the movie.

"She means who takes it up the ass," Ruby clarifies, smirking.

"I'm perfectly aware of what she was implying, but that does not make that statement any more accurate. Besides, that information is not of any relevance to you." Cas can be pretty sassy when he wants to be.

"Can't you talk like a normal person?" Ruby snaps.

"Let me summarize for him: fuck off," says Dean.

Crowley decides to join in. "Please, I doubt they've done anything. Castiel's an innocent little flower, aren't you?"

"I can assure you my lack of sexual experience does not make me innocent," says Cas sharply.

"Can we continue this interrogation later?" Charlie demands. "We're trying to watch a movie here."

"Terribly sorry. We should let them continue to distract themselves from their sexual frustration," Crowley snickers, walking off with the amused girls.

"At least they're gone," Dean mutters.

Later, Dean and Charlie are hanging out in Dean's room playing some trivia game. Cas is off doing whatever he does when he's alone- probably reading from his giant collection of books or some shit.

"So, have you and Cas..." She trails off suggestively.

"Not this again," Dean groans.

"C'mon, it's me, not those jackasses!"

"Maybe I like to keep my sex life private."

She raises an eyebrow.

"What's that look for?"

"No offense, but you kinda give off the vibe as someone who talks about his conquests a lot."

"Well Cas isn't a conquest!"

He rolls his eyes at Charlie's audible "awww". "So can you drop it?"

"Nope. Friends tell each other about their relationships."

"Maybe girlfriends, but not guy friends."

She reiterates her "bullshit" look.

"We haven't even been dating a week!"

"So you haven't done anything."

"I didn't say that!" He bites back a curse at her triumphant look, realizing his mistake. "Fine, we've done _stuff_ , are you happy?"

"Basically dry humping and hand stuff, then? Or have you done blowjobs too?"

"Oh my God." Dean buries his face in his hands.

"Wouldn't have taken you to be a prude," Charlie teases.

And Dean wouldn't have _not_ taken Cas to be a prude. Turns out the guy has no shame and is very, very curious. When they were making out on Dean's bed and Cas felt Dean's erection against his leg, Dean had quickly told him that he didn't have to do anything about it, that Dean could just cool off or take care of it himself. But Cas had a very similar problem, and next thing Dean knew, he was coming in his pants like a teenager from Cas grinding their hard lengths together. They have, in fact, gotten to blowjobs, but Charlie is not going to hear about that.

"Considering you guys have already gotten past the 'getting to know each other' phase, why haven't you done more? Are you nervous about it or something? Having another crisis?" she asks, giving him a look.

Dean holds back a dark laugh. He's not nearly as inexperienced in that field as she thinks. "It's not that. It's the fact that we're- sorry, _I'm_ \- always worrying some nurse is gonna do a room check at the worst time."

Charlie's quiet for a moment. Then, "There may be a way around that."

*************************

Dean has to get Charlie a fruit basket or something. She'd talked to Dr. Cartwright and gotten her to agree to a movie night on the projector for the entire wing- Harry Potter, of course. He's pretty sure it's the sixth one, but it's difficult to remember at the moment, even if he and Cas had to sit through the first ten minutes before sneaking off. Not that Cas had been that upset about it. When Dean tugged at his hand to go, he'd complained that he wouldn't get to see what happened. He definitely isn't complaining now. Hell, put Gabriel on that fruit basket list. Not only did he supply the condoms and lube in that mortifying display before, but he apparently also gave Cas some kind of pamphlet on gay sex, and _fuck_ if he isn't putting that new knowledge to good use.

"Dean, you look so beautiful," Cas gasps as he thrusts into him, looking at him almost in awe.

"You don't call guys beautiful, Cas. Especially when you're fucking them," Dean grunts.

Cas stills. "Why not? You _are_ beautiful."

"Don't fucking _stop,_ " Dean whines, digging his heels into Cas' ass. How can a virgin have so much restraint?

Cas complies, moaning as he sinks back in. Hitting Dean's prostrate has Dean keening and pratically sobbing Cas' name. It's been a while since he's had sex like this.

" _Oh!_ Oh, Dean, I'm gonna-"

"Me too, Cas. I'm close, too."

After a few more thrusts, Cas comes with a shout. He takes Dean's cock in hand and it takes only a couple strokes for Dean's release. Cas groans as he pulls himself out, throwing away the used condom while Dean stares at the ceiling, trying to regain some semblance of thought besides _holy shit_. Then, instead of collapsing, Cas grabs a napkin from the pile Dean stole from the cafeteria and carefully cleans the come off Dean's stomach . Dean feels a soft, affectionate smile spread across his face.

"I understand why humans do this so much now," Cas pants, finally lying beside him.

Dean laughs. "Pretty damn good, isn't it?"

"Indeed. But I don't believe it would have been half as enjoyable if it wasn't with you. You make me happy, Dean."

Dean fidgets slightly and coughs. "Back atcha."

Cas isn't offended by Dean's inability to say what he feels, but smiles in understanding and delight, leaning over to kiss him.

Dean's eyes are drooping.

"Gotta put on clothes first in case someone checks up on us in the middle of the night, then sleep," he mumbles, mostly to himself.

He and Cas struggle back into their hospital-issued clothes, Cas leaving the trench coat draped over a chair. Dean proceeds to fall into an exhausted sleep in Cas' arms.


	12. Chapter 12

"How've you been, Dean?" Jess wears a bright smile, but it's clear that she's as nervous as Dean feels.

"Had my ups and downs, y'know." Dean fidgets slightly.

"Guess we all have," says Jess.

There are a few minutes where nothing is said.

"So, you and Cas doing well?" Sam asks.

"Oh yeah, I would love to meet him!" says Jess, latching on to the topic.

"He's not out here. Gabriel- his brother- hasn't shown yet. But yeah, we're fine."

" _Real_ fine," Pam snickers, passing by.

Dean keeps a smile plastered on, hoping neither Sam nor Jess had heard. He's pretty sure Nurse Harvelle knows about movie night, and that he saw her talking to Pam about it since Pam had looked over at him and smirked. Judging from Sam's awkward cough, the comment had not been missed.

"Anyway," says Dean, desperately trying to stop them from thinking about that, "how are the wedding plans coming along? Driving you crazy yet?"

"You have no idea," Sam groans.

Jess hits him lightly. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"I know." Sam smiles, kissing the top of her head.

"You'll be able to come, won't you, Dean?" Jess asks suddenly.

Dean tenses, as does Sam, and Jess seems to realize her mistake. They have no idea when he'll be discharged, and if he's not, if they will release him for the day. It's only four months away.

"Don't worry about it, we'll save you a spot," says Jess quickly.

Dean is distracted, though, as he sees Gabriel's now here, but Pam is talking to him much longer than usual with a serious look on her face. Dean has a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Dean, you okay?" asks Sam, concerned.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," says Jess anxiously.

"It's not you," Dean mumbles, making his way over to the pair.

Pam stops talking as he approaches.

"What's going on?" he demands.

"Please continue your visit with your family, Dean," says Pam.

"Not until I know what's wrong."

"It's nothing we haven't handled before, Dean-o," Gabriel replies.

Dean ignores the nickname. "And what is that?"

Pam begins to protest, but Gabriel stops her.

"Let's just tell him." He sighs. "Usually, Cassy eats really late or really early when no one's around so they don't see him, and he doesn't even remember afterwards-"

"Cas doesn't need to eat," Dean argues.

Gabriel continues as if nothing was said, "But every so often he stops eating at all, and goes unconscious from malnutrition."

"We always ensure he gets better, he'll be just fine," Pam assures him.

"That's impossible," says Dean weakly. Cas _had_ begun to look unwell, but he never complained and Dean knew he couldn't be too bad. He's an angel, after all. But now...

"I know it can be difficult to get out of your own head," says Pam, "especially when your mind is playing tricks on you, but you have to try. Otherwise you can get hurt."

"Maybe we should go," says Sam gently. He and Jess are standing behind Dean. "We'll let you go see him."

"I'm not sure-" Pam begins.

"Let him," Gabriel interrupts. "C'mon, he's gonna go out of his mind with worry either way."

"He sounds like a fighter, Dean, I'm sure he'll be fine," says Jess, touching his arm and giving him a supportive smile.

"We'll see you _both_ in a week," Sam adds.

Dean figures he should feel a little guilty about his hurried goodbye, but thinks they can forgive him on this. He's hellbent on getting to Cas' room and doesn't understand why Gabriel's keeping such a leisurely pace.

"He does have to do all the things everyone else does," Gabriel tells him. "He just keeps it suppressed in his memory and hides it from everyone."

"Then how do you know he does it?" Dean growls, angered over how Gabriel talks about his brother behind his back, especially in these circumstances.

"He's not always discreet. Staff has to check up every now and again, no matter the time. Plus, how do you think he's still alive?"

"You know why. You just won't believe it."

Gabriel gives him an almost pitying look. "You gotta open your eyes, Dean. Can't you see what's happening?"

Dean's spared from a response as they have finally reached Cas' room. He runs over to Cas' side as soon as Pam opens the door, uncaring of the eyes watching him.

"Cas, c'mon, it's me, wake up!"

He doesn't stir.

"It just happened, Dean, he's not going to wake up yet," says Pam.

Dean blinks back traitorous tears as he looks at the tubes and IVs going into Cas' body. Gabriel walks over, looking down at his brother.

"Cassy, why do you have to keep doing this to me?" he mumbles. "Why can't things go back to the way they were?"

"And how was that?" Dean finds himself asking.

Gabriel shrugs. "Fairly normal. We have a pretty big family, but the few that made visits stopped after a while. Cassy was always quiet but so, so smart. Went to Columbia. Everyone had high hopes for him. Then he had his little episode, attacking Meg, the girl across the street, yelling that she was a demon."

"Why don't his parents ever visit him?"

"Our mom's dead and our dad split when Cas was a baby. Our eldest brother, Michael, is the head of the family, but he's a dick."

Dean's quiet for a moment before softly asking, "How long has Cas been here?"

"Five years."

Dean cards his hand through Cas' hair, face twisting in an effort to hold back tears while looking at Cas' pale face. He has a small frown, as if being comatose involves a lot of concentration.

Gabriel stays for a while, making sure Cas' vitals stay all right. Eventually, though, it's just Dean. He climbs into Cas' bed carefully, making sure not to disturb the various equipment. He lays his head over his heart, soothing himself with the sound of the beating that's keeping his Cas alive.

"Don't you dare leave me," he whispers, voice cracking. "I need you."

There's no response.

Dean doesn't know how long he's asleep, but he awakens as soon as he feels movement.

"Dean?"

Dean jerks up quick enough to get a head rush. "Cas, buddy, are you all right? How are you feeling?"

Cas frowns. "Odd. Weak."

"You can pull through, can't you?"

"Of course. I have dealt with worse."

Dean laughs, tears of relief filling his eyes.

Cas' frown deepens. "Why are you crying?"

"I was scared, Cas. So scared I was gonna lose you. Don't ever do that to me again." Dean buries his face in Cas' chest.

"What did they tell you?"

Dean lifts his head. "That you gotta eat. You're malnutritioned."

"I believe the proper term is malnourished."

He laughs again. "Barely conscious and you're correcting me."

Cas looks like he's pondering something. "I haven't been in contact with the Heavenly Host for a while. My grace must be dwindling."

Doubt has been planted in the back of Dean's mind that he cannot shake, but all he says is; "Just eat, okay? Try being human. I don't want this to keep happening. I won't be able to take it, Cas. I love you."

Dean's eyes widen as he hears the words leave his mouth, waiting for the panic to come, but it doesn't. He does love Cas; loves the frown he gets and how his nose crinkles when he's concentrating, loves the confused look and head tilt when he doesn't understand something, loves being stared at by those beautiful blue eyes, loves how safe he feels in his arms, loves everything about him. Everyone knows it. It's about time he admitted it.

Cas gives Dean the most brilliant smile he's seen yet, all tooth and gums. "I love you, too."

"Promise me, okay?" he urges.

"I promise."

Dean kisses him deeply, not paying any mind to the salty tracks down his cheeks.


	13. Chapter 13

It's two days before Cas can leave his room. It's also two days before Dean leaves Cas' room for more than an hour. During this time, Nurse Harvelle takes to dropping off food for him as he loses track of time and misses meals, reluctant to stray from Cas' side.

"Don't need you getting sick too," she says, but accompanies that statement with a warm, affectionate smile.

"How's the patient?" Charlie asks the first day Cas is able to go to the cafeteria, smiling gently at him as he sits at the table.

"Better. I simply must familiarize myself to living like the rest of you," Cas answers.

"I'll be right back with food," Dean promises, dropping a kiss on the top of Cas' head.

"Keep up the good work, Nurse Winchester!" Benny calls after him.

Dean realizes he's being a bit overprotective, but what can he say? That ordeal scared the shit out of him and he's determined that Cas not only gets better, but never goes through anything like that again.

"You needn't baby me so," Cas murmurs on his return.

"I think the words you're looking for are 'thank you'," he replies.

"I must become accustomed to taking care of myself."

"He's right, Dean," says Charlie.

"The man's smitten, he can't help it," says Benny.

Cas smiles softly, looking at Dean.

Dean coughs. "Eat up, you can finally have normal- well, whatever this food qualifies as."

"I've been to joints with worse grub than this," says Benny.

*************************

Cas adjusts to human life fairly easily. Gabriel's words linger at the back of Dean's mind, but he ignores them. He believes Cas. He's proven himself time and time again to Dean and is not worthy of any doubt.

Dean's immediately on guard when Dr. Cartwright calls them to her office. Cas squeezes his hand as the door is opened.

"I'm very impressed with the progress you two have made recently," Dr. Cartwright says as soon as they're seated. "You're obviously excellent influences on each other, despite earlier problems."

"Dean and I can overcome anything," Cas declares proudly.

Dr. Cartwright smiles. "That much is clear. Dean, your paranoia has improved drastically. Castiel, you've begun to take care of yourself on a regular basis, and you are taking part in healthier activities instead of choosing fights and making accusations. I believe we can release you both in a few weeks' time as long as you keep this up, and we will have check-ups with you for a year to ensure your mental stability."

Dean can't do anything but stare at her. Is it possible, after nearly a year trapped here, he'll finally be able to go? Not alone, either, but with Cas. He has been determindedly drowning out that nagging voice that wonders what he's going to do when he is released, how it will affect him and Cas. Now he doesn't even have to worry about that.

Cas doesn't look like he knows how to react, either. Dean reminds himself that Cas hasn't been outside these walls in five years, according to Gabriel. He'll need help going back to- or, in this case, learning- everyday life, and Dean will need to teach him how to work a gun if he's going to be a hunter, which Dean knows he'll want to be, but he's okay with that. He's not planning on letting go of him any time soon.

"Big news, I know," says Dr. Cartwright , still smiling. "You two have earned this."

"Thank you," says Dean hoarsely.

"Remember, if there are any more outbursts..."

"There won't be," says Dean quickly. "We can manage."

Cas nods slowly, still looking dazed.

Once they are behind Dean's door, Dean starts laughing and can't stop, showering kisses all over Cas' face.

*************************

"I can't believe you guys will really be going," says Charlie in the TV room.

"Nor can I," Cas murmurs.

"I feel like I'm the only one celebrating here, Cas. Don't you want to get out of here?" says Dean. He doesn't think he'll be able to bear it if Cas doesn't want to leave with him.

"This is all I've known for a good portion of time, Dean," Cas tells him, still looking lost. "I am unsure of how I will react to the outside world, especially now that I must live a human life there."

Dean takes him by the shoulders and turns him to face him. "Hey, you'll have me. I'll help you. You can live that life with me. We can travel around hunting together and you can be my plus one to Sam and Jess' wedding. We'll get used to real life together."

"Sounds like you're proposin', brother," says Benny with a raised eyebrow.

Dean splutters.

"There is time for that later," Cas dismisses at Dean's reaction. "I am content with what we have now."

"Sound like soulmates, then. In other news, I should be leaving soon, too," says Charlie. "Cartwright's mentioned it to me before and I have a meeting with her later, so probably around the time you guys get out. So don't screw up because I want to frequently intrude on your lives."

Dean laughs.

"I expect to get the most mail in this place from you three, jus' a heads up," says Benny.

"You'll get the most because nobody else uses snail mail anymore," says Dean. "But if that's what we gotta do to stay in touch, expect a thousand a month."

A week later, Dean and Cas are in the rec room. Actually, they're just about to leave, but when they turn around, Bela is blocking their way.

"They can't seriously be considering letting you two out," she says, looking at them disdainfully.

"Believe it, sweetheart," says Dean, trying to get around her.

She doesn't allow it. "Maybe you I can understand, but _him_? He's still completely psychotic."

Dean bulks. "You-"

He doesn't get to finish; before he knows what's happening, Bela is latching her lips onto his. He instantly recoils, looking revolted. Bela is looking at Cas challengingly, appearing satisfied.

Cas remains still, but with obvious fury radiating off him. All at once, he's lunging at Bela, looking downright terrifying.

"Cas, don't!" Dean yells, holding him back. "That's just what she wants! She wants you to freak out so you'll have to stay here instead of leaving with me!"

Cas relaxes slightly, but he's still pissed.

"Be grateful I must spare you," he growls.

Bela rolls her eyes. "Fine, but you'll end up right back here once everyone sees how crazy you still are."

Dean glares at her as she leaves, arms still around Cas' waist, whispering soothing words to him. The angel shakes him off.

"What a horrendous human," he grumbles.

"There are some bad ones out there," Dean agrees. "I am so, so sorry, Cas-"

"The blame does not lie with you." He still looks pretty upset about it.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," says Dean, grabbing his hand and tugging him with him.

Dean's just closed his door when he finds his back being pressed against it, Cas attacking his mouth. No complaints here. Soon, he's being thrown down on his bed.

"You're _mine_ , Dean Winchester," Cas growls, tearing his trench coat off his shoulders. "Never forget that."

Dean is _so_ on board with this. Charlie's comments about him sitting so gingerly later are totally worth it.


	14. Chapter 14

It's awkward enough to have a guy who looks exactly like your boyfriend appear out of thin air in your room. It's even worse when you're swallowing the come of said boyfriend.

"What the fuck?" Dean yelps, bolting upright.

Cas pulls his pants up hastily, actually looking embarrassed for once.

"My apologies," the Cas clone says, looking surprised.

"Who are you?" Cas demands. "Why do you share my appearance?"

"I _am_ you, in a sense," the look alike replies. "From an alternate universe, that is. It has come to my attention that there is a tear in the fabric separating the universes. I can explain-"

"Spare us, please," says Dean. He does not need to be anymore mind-fucked than he currently is.

"In any case, it has caused confusion with your identities here, hence your admittance to this facility. I have come to correct that mistake."

"Wait. Are you saying you are...?"

"Yes, Castiel. I am the version of you that is truly an angel. I am afraid you are mortal and always have been. The tear has interfered with your thoughts, giving you some of _my_ memories. I also know the hunter version of your Dean." This Castiel materializes at Dean's side and presses two fingers to his forehead. "You are not him."

Memories- his _actual_ memories- flood Dean's brain. They still include moving around a lot with a drunk, grief-stricken father, but no monsters or hunting. John just couldn't hold down a job, which led Dean to selling himself to care for Sammy. Speaking of whom, Dean owes him a lot of apologizing.

Castiel has stepped back, having given Cas his true memory back as well, and is now looking at them thoughtfully. At his intrudance, Dean had instinctively situated himself in front of Cas, and Cas had leaned forward and rested his hand on the other side of Dean's legs so his arm protected him.

"So, uh, are things like this between you and the other Dean in your universe, too?" Dean asks sheepishly.

"No," Castiel murmurs. "But maybe they could be."

He's gone just as suddenly as he arrived.

The rest of the night is normal, which makes Dean about 98% sure that no one slipped drugs into their food.

"I feel like a fool," Cas mutters.

"Hey, we were both screwed up. It's not our fault," Dean assures him.

"I put my family through much unneeded stress."

"So did I. But if they're anything like Sam and Jess, they'll just be relieved you're better."

Cas smiles. "You referred to Jess as part of your family. You've accepted her already."

Dean blinks. "Huh, I guess I did. Well, she's a nice girl who makes Sam happy and didn't deserve any of my crap."

"I owe Gabriel a great deal. This is all rather disconcerting."

"But at least I met you," says Dean softly.

Cas' smile returns. "And I met you." 

"Besides, you're still my angel."

*************************

"Okay, guys, remember we're saying this because we care about you. You're going to be discharged in two days and you need to hear this."

Charlie's gone very serious and Benny's nodding along. There may as well be an intervention banner across Charlie's room.

"Castiel, I haven't been the friend I should be to you because you so fully believe you're an angel-"

"That's ridiculous, I'm not an angel," Cas replies. He glances quickly at Dean and he understands: _Just follow my lead_.

"Wait, what?" says Benny, startled.

"There may be angels among us, if you believe in that, but I am not one of them. Or, if I am, I imagine I have been greatly neglecting my duties." Cas chuckles.

Charlie opens and closes her mouth but no sound escapes.

"Don't you remember your big fight with Dean 'cause of me? You could 'see' I was a vampire 'cause of your angelness and got pissed 'cause Dean's a hunter-"

"My Uncle Bobby once tried to get me and my brother to shoot a deer, but I'm no hunter," says Dean. "I'd be a pretty lame ass one since I couldn't even do that. I mean, it's like killing Bambi."

"We're aware that we have been... unwell in the past. But we have also been disillusioned. We know who we are and who we are not."

"This isn't some ploy because you're afraid you'll be forced to stay here, is it?" says Charlie suspiciously.

"You know by now I wouldn't lie about what I am- or at least what I believe I am." Cas looks almost bitter as he says the last part.

"Maybe the anniversary of my mom's death drove me a little crazy," Dean lies. "I wanted something to blame. But I know better now."

"Sorry to hear that, brother," says Benny, clapping him on the shoulder. "But I'm glad you're back to yourself."

Charlie hugs them both. "I'm so proud of you guys. You're my friends and I want you to be happy and healthy."

"We wish the same with you," says Cas.

"And now we can take the world by storm." Dean laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe all that's left is the epilogue. Thank you for sticking with this and I hope this chapter wasn't too rushed


	15. Epilogue

"Jeez, Dean, don't hold back or anything," Sam groans as Dean returns to his seat.

"Believe me, I have way more embarrassing stories up my sleeve, but I only chose to share those ones."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Hey, it's Dean's job to humiliate his little brother. So what if it's Sam's wedding day?

"Anyone ever tell you you're a very considerate brother?" says Jess, but she's holding back a laugh.

"I'm a _great_ brother."

"Clearly," says Cas, rolling his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips.

He and Dean have been pretty lucky since their discharge. Their apartment's landlady, Missouri Moseley, is an old friend of Dr. Cartwright's, and is usually willing to take a chance on newly released patients when she has the space. They've been living together for a few months now, sending a letter to Benny each one. Charlie got the apartment right across from theirs, so it feels like they also live with her at times.

Dean's mechanical engineering degree came in handy, Bobby having a friend who is head of an automotive industry. Cas had been an astronomer before his stint in the hospital and, luckily, his old boss was willing to take him back as Cas had always been a hard worker. Needless to say, their reintroduction to the real world could've gone a lot worse.

"Well, does Cas know about that time you were with-"

"Sammy, when it's our wedding day, you can tell all the embarrassing stories you want." Dean freezes as he realizes what he said.

Cas' eyebrows go up. "You've been thinking about this for us?"

"Um, well, y'know, in passing, kind of," Dean stammers, rubbing the back of his neck.

Cas smiles softly. "I'm glad."

"Looks like we'll be helping plan another wedding soon," Jess stage whispers to Sam.

"They can deal with it themselves," Sam replies.

Dean ignores them in favor of kissing his Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's actually over. Thank you so much for reading this, I've appreciated your feedback and kudos greatly! If any of you are interested, my tumblr is maccasass.tumblr.com


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